OOM and EP: Max Caulfield

[little_pieces_of_time]

(OOM: (Needing to have reality confirmed and experience enhanced by photographs is an aesthetic consumerism to which everyone is now addicted. Industrial societies turn their citizens into image-junkies; it is the most irresistible form of mental pollution.)

Breaking the early morning quiet of the bar, Max Caulfield stumbled backwards through the door, the impact sending the door swinging open to bounce off the wall behind it. Beyond its frame is a trashed dorm room, clothes and books strewn across the floor and with angry red graffiti scrawled across a photo collage wall over a twin bed.

With shaking hands, Max grabbed the door and shut it firmly, leaning against its solidity to brace against the dizziness that threatens to overwhelm her and trying like mad to regulate her shallow, frantic breaths into something that will calm her racing heart.

[oom content warnings include bullying, depression, reference to potential sexual assault, terroristic threatening]

Comments

[old_monster]

"You need tea," Ye Baiyi states.

He is sitting nearby, drinking whiskey from a jar.

[little_pieces_of_time]

Max scrunches up her face, shaking her head. Her mouth moves but she can't manage words. She needs... she needs to focus, to focus against the panic yelling through her mind and the frantic beating of her heart. She needs to focus. Bar smells, bar sounds around her. Wood grain under her fingers. Cool air in. Breathebreathebreathe... Breathe. Slower, warmer air out.

Instead of the hyperventilating rush, Max's breathing grows ragged as she tries to calm down. Her eyes are watering and her hands shake if she stops pressing against the door, but she's done this before. She remembers the steps. It just takes a while.

[old_monster]

Ye Baiyi gets up and gets a large cup of green tea from the bar.

It is warm, but no longer punishingly hot.

"Sip this slowly," he says, offering her the mug.

[little_pieces_of_time]

Max glances at the man in white, and recognizes him. They've met... there was breakfast. Pancakes. Good butter. Some sort of new fruit to try with an interesting name.

Something to focus on.

Even when she feels steady enough to try, the hand that moves from its place against the door shakes terribly at first. Frustrated, Max places her hand back against the door, hard, strongly tensing the muscles from her arm to her fingers for a long moment before trying again. It shakes less, enough for her to be able to accept the tea without worrying about spilling it.

"Thth-thank you," she manages, between carefully controlled breaths. Max will deal with the mortifying knowledge that her breakdown was witnessed, later, when she isn't still putting herself back together.

[old_monster]

"Take a sip, and hold it in your mouth for the count of three before swallowing," Ye Baiyi says.

People always let their qi spill all over the place.

[little_pieces_of_time]

All things considered, Max shouldn't be accepting drinks from near-strangers. But this isn't Nathan Prescott.

She might not remember his name, but he wasn't Nathan Prescott, so he's automatically more trustworthy than he might have been.

She follows his directions, sipping the tea cautiously, glad to find it not too hot, and focuses on the flavor, counting three seconds in her head before swallowing.

"S'good." Her voice is tight, scratchy, but she's no longer hyperventilating and can talk, so that's a plus.

[old_monster]

"Can you breathe with me for a moment?" Ye Baiyi asks.

Really, what did these people teach their disciples?

[little_pieces_of_time]

Max looks at him, unsure. It's an odd request.

But then, it has already been an odd day, she is still off-balance, and Milliways has always been an odd place.

"Yes?"

[old_monster]

"Breathe in, two, three -- hold, two, three -- out, two, three -- hold, two, three -- in, two, three --"

He does that for about five rounds.

[little_pieces_of_time]

She follows, nodding briefly. She recognizes this pattern - many apologies to her therapist back in Seattle - and it helps to have to focus on the counting.

Her breath still shakes at first, but definitely smooths out as they go along.

[old_monster]

"Now, sip your tea again," Ye Baiyi says.

[little_pieces_of_time]

Max feels more like herself, and less like she needs to scream or run away or break things and cry, by the fifth round of measured breathing.

The urge is still there, in the tightness at the back of her throat and the quiet fidgeting of her fingers against the cup of tea, but in the background. It is in no danger of erupting to the surface.

She sips her tea again, as instructed.

[old_monster]

"What happened?" Ye Baiyi asks. "Were you attacked? Are there vampires?"

It seems a common danger, in many worlds out there.

[bannion_sight]

Sometimes a person just needs a little bit of extra time and somewhere to be with it. Kim's been taking advantage of both in the hours between midnight and dawn, poring over a pile of medical journals with a pot of coffee at hand.

Her head snaps up on hearing the commotion from the door. One look is all it takes to have her sliding from the booth.

"Hey." She can't do anything about the white hair that's unusual for one so young or the clear gray eyes that miss nothing of what she's seeing, but she keeps her manner cheerful and calm. "Come sit down for a second. I'll make sure the door stays shut."

[little_pieces_of_time]

It has been over a year since Max has had a panic attack, but - once she passes through the first wave of it - she can focus enough to remember the steps. She needs to focus against the panic yelling through her mind and the frantic beating of her heart. There's a voice nearby. A stranger - adult, white hair but not old? But she looks kind.

Max's eyes are watering, her hands shake and the room swims if she stops leaning against the door. She can't manage words just yet, but she lifts her index finger slightly - give her just a minute. She has done this before.

She just needs to focus.

She's not at Blackwell - that's good. Bar smells, bar sounds around her. Wood grain under her fingers. She flexes her fingers against the wood of the door, tensing all the muscles wanting to shake, and focuses on the sensation of breathing. Cool air comes in. Breathebreathebreathe... Breathe. Little puffs of slower, warmer air out. Eventually her fast, shallow breathing grows ragged, but deliberately deeper.

[bannion_sight]

The younger woman moves her hand to indicate she needs a moment. Kim's happy enough to give it to her, but stays nearby in case she gets overwhelmed and needs help.

"You're used to this kind of thing, hm?" she murmurs, as the other's breathing deepens. "Take your time. We're not in a rush."

Not here, anyway.

[little_pieces_of_time]

One of those shaky exhales has a bit more force behind it, the faintest laugh, as Max nods.

"Yeah." Her voice shakes and cracks, but the words are clear enough. "B-been a while, th-though." In retrospect - because, if anything, time travel offers even more clarity in hindsight - if she hadn't been so caught up in trying not to freak out or say the wrong thing to Kate, she probably would have recognized the signs before the attack actually hit.

Max carefully rocks forward onto the balls of her feet, tensing her calves and ankles for a long moment before rocking back on her heels. She feels stable enough to wipe at her watering eyes with the heels of the palms, recognizing the ebbing tide of fight or flight.

"I'll... be okay." She may not get over the mortification of having her breakdown witnessed by a stranger, but she'll get over the panic attack itself. Eventually. "S-sitting down does sound like a good idea."

[bannion_sight]

"I think it is, and I'm a doctor, so I should know some things," Kim tells her, lightly. "Come on. My booth's just over here."

[little_pieces_of_time]

"A doctor!" Max supposed she shouldn't be surprised at anyone she meets in Milliways, but that hasn't stopped her yet. "I'll follow, if a little slower."

She'll be resting her - still slightly shaking - hands on the backs of chairs as they cross to the booth. Just in case. Freak outs are mortifying enough without adding the possibility of falling over.

"Y-y'know it's been a wild morning when the end of the universe offers a bit of peace in comparison."

[bannion_sight]

"I'm not in a hurry," Kim reassures her. She keeps pace by the younger woman's side, available in case she needs support, although she doesn't reach to touch her without permission.

"And oh, but you're right about that." She sounds rueful but somehow deeply understanding. "I'm guessing you've had a pretty rough day so far on the other side of that door?"

[little_pieces_of_time]

"Rough couple of days now," she confirms, a little wry, as she settles onto the booth's bench opposite the woman's medical journals. "Today just got an early start on it."

Her hair is still damp from her morning shower. She has been awake maybe thirty minutes.

[bannion_sight]

"Why don't we get you some water, at least, and maybe a cup of tea," Kim suggests. "Or coffee if you'd rather, but tea's more soothing."

She smiles. "I'm Kim, by the way. Kim Ford."

[little_pieces_of_time]

"Tea is... probably the best option." Max generally shies away from drinking plain water or coffee on an empty stomach.

She glances up - the eye contact is brief, but it's there. "I-it's good to meet you, Kim. I'm Max. Max Caulfield. Thanks for, um, your help."

[bannion_sight]

"It's nice to meet you too, Max." Kim waves to the nearest waitrat. In response to its inquisitive squeak, she says, "Let's have a pot of tea and a plate of scones on the side. Max, does anything else sound good to you?"

[little_pieces_of_time]

Max smiles slightly at the waitrat - they're always so friendly.

"I think tea and scones will be plenty. I'm... supposed to meet a friend at the diner for breakfast in half an hour or so."

It'll be the first Two Whales' (locally) famous Belgian Waffle she will have had in five years. Max doesn't want to be too full to fully appreciate it.