milliways_bar | (no subject)

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She's taken Cuthbert's previous words to heart, as well as those of others-- Bernard, most recently. It's good advice, she thinks.

Slowly but surely, Susan Delgado is getting on with the business of her new existence at Milliways. She comes downstairs smiling, blond hair unbraided and shining, and heads for the bar.

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"Yer wound? Ye are hurt?"

She looks much more closely at him now, noticing things she had missed in the shock of it all and remembering that he had struggled to rise.

"Thee should not be standing--," she says as she tugs at his hand, intending to pull him toward the couch where he was lying before.

He lets himself be pulled. "Cuthbert took the bullet out. Now 'tis just a matter of healing."

He sits -- and a deep sigh. He's tired.

"Is there aught I can do for thee, Roland?"

She sits beside him, looking worried and helpless.

"Ye have seen 'Bert, already--" And there are others, Susan suddenly realizes, who will need to be told.

"--and Joe; have ye talked to anyone else?"

"Meg. She was there last night. And this morning. And a solemn boy -- a friend of hers, I think. No others."

He shakes his head slowly. "Nothing I can think of, Sue."

For now it's just fine to be sitting here.

He raises a hesitant hand, threads fingers down through her hair, rests his hand on her shoulder.

"Will, mayhap. It sounds like him, do'ee ken?" She smiles up at him with a flash of mischief. "Will Stanton -- not Dearborn."

But oh, how strange and hurtful it is, saying these things again, new to him but not to her, and her smile fades into a wistful one. Susan grasps in that moment some of the pain the others must have felt with Jake. She knows, aye knows it very well indeed, that in days to come she will likely curse ka for its cruelty once more. But for now, she is sitting here with Roland,

(my fondest wish Roland I love thee)

his fingers tangled in her hair, and she does not turn away.

And that wistful smile -- he doesn't know quite why it's there, but he wants to make it go away.

Mayhap this isn't all bad.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows it's a bad idea, knows that his older self if faced with her would never do this -- but he does it anyway.

Slowly, he leans forward, and tilts his head, and kisses her gently.

It's been such a long time.

This, then, is what happens when a wind blows in your heart and through your soul. She has spent (they have spent) less than two months in Milliways being careful in each other's presence-- nearly half of the time they had together in Mejis, say true-- but even that does not change the heart of it, and it is the heart that is at the center of things now. And not her heart alone, either.

(Bird and bear and hare and fish-- thee were my fondest wish, Roland.)

(I love thee, Sue -- I always have. Always will.)

At first she just lets herself be kissed, but then she is kissing him back, as well. She slides her hands up to touch his face gently, and Susan Delgado of Mejis kisses Roland Deschain of Gilead in Milliways, that waystation at the end of the universe, somewhere before the clearing at the end of the path.

He's the one to break it.

Eventually.

It's still strange -- too strange for him. But there's a little bit of rightness to it, too. Enough to make him smile.

And then, softly, he says, "Sue, I'd not leave thee tonight -- but I must rest." A pause. "I'll see thee tomorrow, aye?"

I'd not leave thee tonight, he says, and she knows it's true. But he would have left before, even had she not died, and she knows that as well. Aye, she knows it very well-- for he was the one who told her.

(I was given a choice -- a life with you, or the chance to save the Tower. I chose the Tower.)

But Susan smiles at him, and even if her smile is sad, it is true. "Aye, Roland. Thee will see me, if thee wish to. I will be here."

The sadness in her smile hurts. But he's too close to exhaustion to tarry longer. It's been a long night.

Roland stands, and kisses her hand. "Good night, my dear."

She stands also, and curls her fingers around his for a moment before she draws away and lets her hand drop.

"And to thee, Roland. Rest and be well, and I'll see thee again soon, aye."

One last smile, and with stiff movements he makes his way upstairs.

As he turns away, she sits back down, the fingers of one hand pressed lightly to her lips, and waits until he is gone.

She waits a while longer, as well, before she moves. Somewhere inside she knows that there are any number of things she ought to do, people to tell--

(if they don't already know, mayhap, the thought rises unbidden, as they did about Walter)

-- but no. Not now. A few people know, Cuthbert and Joe among them, and she doesn't see any of the others; besides which Susan is not yet sure what she could say to them about this.

After enough time passes, deliberately without thinking, Susan slowly stands and finally goes upstairs.

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