(no subject)

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

[Summary: Barty tries to order the Daily Prophet from his future, but Bar will only give him The Quibbler. He has snarky, pissed-off conversations with Faith and Tim, and a downright unpleasant conversation-via-notes with Bar. Meg gives him the party posters for hiim to charm. Ron arrives and is sociable (slowtimed).]



Barty strides into Milliways with a huge smile. He walks up to Bar. He clears his throat.

"Hello, Bar! I'd like to place an order, please. Specifically, the entire archives of the Daily Prophet from 1996."

He smiles, and waits.

And waits.

"To be charged to the tab of me, Barty Crouch."

He waits. His eyes darken.

"Hello? Bar? Yes, that would be an order for the archives of the Daily Prophet from the year 1996. Thank you?"

He waits.

His face contorts into a furious scowl.

"SHIT. Shit shit shit shit SHIT."

He gives Bar a heinously dark look.

Comments

[balletrat]

You look like you need a distraction, *Meg says cheerfully, and dumps a pile of posters in front of him.*

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

"Mmmm," he says, shooting Bar many a dirty look. "Bar's on the bloody blink or something. Won't give me my order."

"But! Posters!" He looks marginally less pissed off. "Cheers. I'll do the spells and put 'em up around the place!"

[balletrat]

Oh, that's probably just her sense of humor kicking in, *Meg says cheerfully.* She does that, you know. And great! What do you think of the designs?

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

"I'll be having a word with our esteemed barman. I'm sure he put her up to it."

Fucking wanker. Bernard had sure better be hoping Barty's not in one of his unpredictable moods.

"But! The designs, yes, they're great! I'll have no problem doing stuff with these."

[balletrat]

Awesome, *Meg says cheerfully, and then stops.*

- oh that reminds me, I should probably ask Bernard about the party, just in case he needs the back for something that day - I'll see you later, Barty, all right?

*She heads upstairs to write a note.*

[faithful-slayer.livejournal.com]

"So you're Barty Crouch."

Faith, perched on a nearby stool, turns and looks him up and down, then turns back, clearly dismissive.

"No use cursing at her, it'll just get you in more trouble."

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

"There are two sorts of curses," he growls. "Though I'm only reckless enough to use one sort. And how do you know my name?"

[faithful-slayer.livejournal.com]

"'To be charged to the tab of me, Barty Crouch,'" Faith parrots at him, eyebrows raised. "I have good ears. And using the other kind of curse, well...I'm sure you're not that stupid..."

Her expression is vaguely dubious, though.

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

He narrows his eyes. "Well, bully for you. And I'm not stupid, I just have a bit of a temper. But I'll restrain myself. Until that unholy tit Bernard gets here, anyway."

[faithful-slayer.livejournal.com]

Faith's eyebrows fly up.

"And what, exactly, did my boss do to you?"

[the-woodpecker.livejournal.com]

*There is a long pause, in which the Bar, if she had a mouth, would be smirking.

Then a huge stack of newspapers appears.

The entire 1996 run of The Quibbler, for all of Barty's fake-news needs.

Oh top of it, a piece of parchment, marked with a distinctly feminine script:

Fuck off and die, Barty. How stupid do you think we are?*

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

His face breaks into a smile when the newspapers appears, but then he sees they're not the Prophet, and the scowl returns.

"Um. Bar? You arsed up my order."

He sees the note. He reads it. He grips his wand, and it's all he can do not to point it at Bar.

"What the fuck is this, anyway? Quibbler?" He takes one, and starts browsing.

[timsbooks.livejournal.com]

Looks like a trash rag to me.

*Tim can't resist poking the bear.*

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

"Evidently," he snaps. "Bar's idea of humour. Not funny. Not fucking funny."

[timsbooks.livejournal.com]

I find it hilarious.

*Tim grins.*

It seems you're not allowed to know the future.

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

FUDGE AND UMBRIDGE ALLEGED TO BE INVOLVED WITH MUGGLE 'TERRORIST' SUPREMOS.

What the fuck?

WASPS: WE'LL PLAY IN THE NUDE IF WE WANT AND YOU CAN'T STOP US!

What. The. Fuck?

YOU-KNOW-WHO SUSPECTED TO BE BEHIND 'ITCHY WANDS' EPEDEMIC

What the FUCK?

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

MINISTRY SLASHED THE PRICE OF DRAGON'S BLOOD FOR A LAUGH, SAYS INSIDER, FINANCIAL CRISIS WAS JUST A CRUEL HOAX

Um.

PROPHET TAKING BRIBES FROM MUGGLE MEDIA CORPORATION TO REPORT BOGUS HUMAN INTEREST STORIES

Bernard, you die.

I SAW A HERD OF QUINTAPEDS IN MY BACK GARDEN, SAYS CORNISH WIZARD

Fucking Milliways.

[the-woodpecker.livejournal.com]

*A brief pause, then another piece of parchment appears on the Bar's surface.


What makes you think Bernard has anything to do with it, you silly little man?*

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

He frowns.

He writes a note, and puts it on Bar.

Someone told you serving me newspapers would be a bad idea. You must have been given instructions, or else you wouldn't know not to.

[the-woodpecker.livejournal.com]

*The note disappears.

A moment later, another parchment appears, with red ink this time.

*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_our_king_/]

Ron, who happened to only catch the cursing, gave him a narrow-eyed, curious look. "Something wrong? Bar botch your order?"

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

He nods. "Yes. I ordered the Prophet and it gave me the Quibbler. That's some sort of trashy magazine with made-up stories, by the look of it."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_our_king_/]

Ron laughed. "Bar's having you on, eh? Luna's dad writes it. Load of rot. Still," he mused, "it was the only thing that would print Harry's story when You-Know-Who came back, and it does have good crosswords, my sister Ginny says."

Ron went back to playing solitaire with his exploding snap deck.

[bartyjr.livejournal.com]

His eyes open wide. "Is that so? Who'd have though it'd be interested in a story like that. But yeah, it is a load of rot. And I agree with Ginny. The crosswords are shite."

He makes a note to look for that story...Bar gave him all of 1996's...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_our_king_/]

"Well yeah, see, no one believed Harry that You-Know-Who came back--which I probably shouldn't tell you about, really--but a lot of people did think he'd come back anyway. I just won't tell you exactly what happened, since you might accidentally muck about with time," Ron said, pulling his fingers back and sucking on them when a Queen exploded. "I've been worried about that with Harry, to be honest. Ever since he's showed up, Hermione and I've been trying to keep him finding out things about the future, 'cause when we go back, he might try to change them or something."

He shook his hand and then looked at Alberic hopefully. "Fancy a game of exploding snap?"