milliways_bar | (no subject)

(no subject)

A very forlorn Isabel is down in the bar. She's dressed and looks decent, but that in itself usually indicates something is wrong with her. She walks over to the bar, muttering something and she recieves a salad and a bottle of tabasco sauce, as well as a soda (Cherry Cola). And then she sits down at a booth, wearing a haunted expression.

The expression is one that many in the bar have probably worn at one point or another. It's the expression people get when they've killed someone and have no clue how to deal with themselves.

Approach at your own risk.

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Michael walks over and wraps an arm around her, silently.

Her eyes close and she leans against him. "Thank you."

"How're you doing?"

"Better. Which is kind of pathetic considering my current state. But...I came down here myself. And I have food." She lifts up her glass, holding it towards him. "Soda?" She offers.

"Don't you want it?"

She nods. "But I can share with you. She...she talked to me last night..."

Michael sits up, eyes alert.

"She did?"

Isabel nods. "I...I was scared at first. Really scared...I mean letting her in my head. But...but it was...it was okay." And she smiles at her language switch at the end there.

Michael grins. "I thought it would be. And she's always been there, really. You just couldn't hear her before."

"She...she's glad I killed him..." She bites her bottom lip. "Said that if she'd been as strong as I am none of it ever would have happened..."

"You are strong, Izzy", Michael confirms. "And he needed to die."

"She..." Isabel looks around. "Okay you have to promise me you'll never breathe a word of this to Max. You have to promise."

Michael blinks.

"Okay... what did she say?"

"She said...she said to understand her all I had to do was look at Max and his obsession with Liz. That was how she felt with Kivar and no matter what anyone told her she couldn't stop loving him, even if it destroyed her...and that scares me, Michael."

Michael pauses, taking that in.

"...do you think she's wrong?"

"If I thought she was wrong I wouldn't be so scared..." She whispered.

"Sometimes... there's nothing you can do about it. But if that's how it is, it's how it's always been. You remember the shooting."

She nods. "She also told me I was stupid not to make sure to keep you in my next life." She laughs a little. "She thinks you're hotter now than you were when she and Rath were married. I told her she was crazy. It's actually kind of nice company, surprisingly."

Michael laughs. "Missed that boat the first time I met Maria." He doesn't mention Alex, not wanting to upset her.

"Yeah I was adamant about not loving anyone...not until him..." Her eyes close. "I...never told you about seeing him after he died, did I?"

"...no. When was this?"

Sharpe knows that expression, oh yes. His voice is gentle when he approaches her and speaks.

"You all right, lass?"

She looks up, as if surprised. "Hm? Oh yeah...I'm fine." She's not that convincing though, despite the smile she pastes on.

He looks at her, and says bluntly, "No, you're not."

"Um...okay." She looked at him, her look rather incredulous. "Whatever you say, buddy."

"Saw the look on your face, just now", he continues conversationally. "And I've seen it before."

He'd been on Antar, and Isabel couldn't hope to think that he didn't know about her role in the conflict. So she shrugged. "Whatever."

Sharpe shrugs. "I've been a soldier for twenty years, lass. But I was new to it once too. Just offering to listen, if you'd like."

"There's nothing more to say...I did what I had to do...I just...it's weird to think I could do it. ANd knowing I did it...I've just got to learn to like myself again."

"It'll come", he says with confidence. "Those brothers of yours'll help you."

"I know. As long as I have them I'll be alright. There's just been a lot of muddy water to slosh through lately."

"And how're things looking now you've got your planet back?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm glad. I am. I'm very happy for the people..."

"But?" Gently.

"But now I just...I don't know where I fit in anything. I don't know myself anymore."

He sighs, looking at her, and says frankly, "When I was fifteen, I stabbed a man to death for hurting a friend of mine. Beating her. I found my way out and my place in the army. You'll find yours."

"I know...I know that. I just don't know how I can go back to what I used to be. I mean I was really happy finally. I was married, I was getting out my headshots to modeling agencies, pursuing that whole dream of mine and now I just feel lost."

"D'you still want to do that? At all?"

"I don't know...I don't know what I want anymore." She sighs. "I just want to turn back time and be young and carefree again."

A wry, sad grin. "Don't we all. But you're still young, lass. That at least."

"Yeah...just means I have longer to live with the burden...I'll be okay though. I think I'm going to try to talk to my husband tonight..."

"The burden does get less, with time. And you're a tough one."

"That's what I'm hoping." She admitted. "I need to go."

He nods. "I'll see you later, then. Good luck to you."

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