milliways_bar | (no subject)

(no subject)

Claire is in the bar today, a folder of her new history laid in front of her. She's filling out a form or two (or three or five), occasionally glancing back at the folder, turning a page here and there as she searches for information.

And every so often she drinks some mint-flavored tea. But you might have guessed that already.

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He shakes his head. "I know you can't feel the same about me as I do for you." He does sit down next to her. "But I need to get all of that out on the table so you know everything I'm feeling. I'm in love with you, Claire..." He whispers, looking down. "And I've tried not to be because I know you can't even come close to feeling the same for me..."

She sighs but doesn't take her eyes of his face. "I'm not worth this, Nathan. I know that doesn't make it easier for you, but. . ."

"Yeah, that's what I've been told. That you're not worth this...but I think you are and I can't help it...and it hurts that you don't see me that way...that you can't..."

She lets out a small pained laugh. "I'm sure I can guess who told you that. What did he say?"

"He? No it...it wasn't a he. Just a friend." His eyes close. "She just doesn't want to see me hurting..."

"Oh," she nods and looks down again. "Jaina. Well, I guess I've given her plenty of reason not to trust me. I seem to be hurting her friends all over the place."

Softly, "I don't want to see you hurting, either, Nathan. And she's right. You deserve better."

"Shhh. You're not the one hurting me. I'm hurting me." He whispers, his hand softly cupping her face. "And she's not right. You deserve better. And you know it." God she was beautiful, and her pain causes his own pain to swell. "I didn't want to make you sad."

She shakes her head. "No. No. I make my own decisions and I'm the one that's made myself sad. But Nathan, I want to help you, and I don't know what to do."

"Don't worry about me. I don't matter. You do." His thumb moved gently over her cheekbone. "Just...forgive me for having ignored you."

What he really wants to ask for is a chance...for Claire to give him a chance to show her how much he cares...to give him a chance to love her...

But what if she does and still can't love him back?

"You matter to me," she frowns. "And there's nothing to forgive. You do what you have to do to. . .get by."

Then he'd know. "I need to be by you. To know that I'm at least your friend...that I'm helping you be happy. But I don't know if that's fair of me to do because of how I feel." He says gently. His eyes search hers out. "Please don't be sad..."

Don't kiss her Nathan...it would be bad.

It would be. . .interesting, at least.

"I want to be your friend," she swallows. "And I'm here whenever you're ready for me. Well, not here as in the bar, so much anymore, but here--" she gestures vaguely, "--for you."

He nods, wrapping his arms around her once again. "I'll always be here for you Claire...and I'm sorry I haven't been...it wasn't right of me to abandon you..."

And then he does it. Bad bad self abusive Nathan.

His lips brush hers softly and then he moves in to kiss her, lips soft and tender, his action almost fearful.

She lets him for a second, mostly because she's too stunned to realize what he's doing and then because she isn't sure what to do.

But eventually she pulls away. Slightly. And whispers his name.

"Yes?" He murmurs back, not moving any more away from her than they currently are. He waits, not about to push things by kissing her again, but wanting to so very badly.

"Don't be scared..." He whispers, letting the backs of his fingers stroke her cheek. "Let me help you...let me show you that you can be happy and loved and all the things you deserve..."

"It's not as easy as that, Nathan."

"It can be..."

"Except for the part where you love me and I still. . . love someone else."

He closes his eyes. Sawyer. It was still all about Sawyer. And maybe it always would be. "For now you do..."

"Always," she smiles sadly. "A part of me will always love him."

"I know. Claire trust me when I say I know. I still love Haley. I didn't think I could ever even come close to loving anyone else...and then I met you and I got to know you and...and I know you could love me if you let yourself."

"And what if I can't," she asks quietly. "How badly would you hurt then?"

"I'd know then. We both would. And I would still be your friend." He swears, brushing the hair back off of her face. "Claire? Let me make you happy..."