milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Castle sits in a darkened corner booth, staring blankly at the back of the booth in front of him, taking the occasional mechanical sip of some vile-looking, heavily alcoholic drink.

Oh yeah. He'll make for some fun conversation.

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"I am a big boy, Lee," he sneers angrily. "I do not need your concern for my sobriety."

He knows he is now being sullen, childish, defiant, and he snatching his hand -- and the bottle -- away from Lee. What he had drunk was already swirling in his head, and his anger was quick and volatile.

Briefly, somewhere in his mind, he wonders why it is that if they aren't fucking, they tend to be arguing, but the voice is silenced quickly before he can explore the ramifications of that thought.

He discreetly grips the edge of the table to steady himself, not wanting anyone to see how intoxicated he really is.

"Will you please not do it? Please? I'm not going to fight with you, for god's sake. Not now. I don't want to."

He sets the bottle down hard, his eyes dark.

"As you wish," he says very softly, turning his back on the man, leaving the bottle behind.

He feels as though he's been slapped. The sting is there, as though the blow were a physical one. He turns his face away, flat-out refusing to let tears well up.

"Why are you doing this?" he whispers.

He stops in his tracks, his back straight and stiff.

"Doing what, Lee? Leaving you to yourself?"

"Yes. That and blowing up at me and I--I'm sorry I said that, before, about things only lasting a few months, I didn't...didn't mean to doubt you..."

He sits back down, head resting in his hands again, because he's not going to cry, he's not, he can't, but he can't stand losing Mercutio and having Namo angry at him--it's too much.

He wouldn't be crying if he weren't drunk, but the Atlantean swimming through his head forces him to choke back a sob.

Námo spins on his heel, his eyes focusing on Lee.

"Lee?" he asks, any anger he had felt draining away instantly. He creeps back to the booth, kneeling beside the man. "Lee?"

His fingers tremble slightly as he reaches out to his hand to touch Lee's head.

"I should not have behaved such. I know you are hurting and, after all we have spoken about, I should have known..."

He moves aside so that Namo can sit if he wants, nodding, just wanting the fight to be over.

"S'all right...I was being an ass again." He clasps Namo's hand tightly. Please say it's still okay.

Námo moves closer to him, bringing his hand to his lips.

"I am sorry, lover," he says softly, pressing the hand to his chest. "Truly, I was not being understanding." He kisses the hand again. "Are you alone tonight?"

Which meant, have you asked Gorlim to comfort you?

He nods. "Just as well, maybe...my company wouldn't be much fun." He forces a laugh.

He can understand the lack of understanding--would be likely to act the same way if Mercutio were distraught and pushing him away over the loss of another lover of his. And truly, he had been asking for it.

He swallows, glancing away from Lee briefly.

"Would you like me to walk you to your room?"

If Lee wanted him to stay, he would, but he would not force his company upon him.

He looks up. Part of him wants to go further, ask Namo to spend the night with him, but he doesn't--perhaps because doesn't want to inflict his melancholy on anyone else at the moment, or would rather simply lie awake and wallow in self-loathing alone. He knows it's idiotic of him. And he does want Namo to stay. But he won't ask.

"Would you?"

He smiles, brushing his fingers along Lee's cheek and down his neck.

"Of course, melda. Anything you wish of me, if it is in my power to give, it is yours to ask."

Námo scoots out of the booth, standing and looking at Lee expectantly.

It is too bad there is no bond between them as their is between the Vala and Gorlim... perhaps then Námo would know of the silent request.

But as of yet, there is none, and so Lee is silent but for a nod of gratitude as he slips out of the booth and gently takes Namo's hand, leading the way towards the stairs.

He walks with his head somewhat bowed, his hand gripping Lee's tightly, quietly wishing there was such a bond.

At least then he could express all he felt for Lee without the confusion of words.

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