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Ronald Witherspoon (Spoon. Just Spoon.) is not a happy man. Oh, last night was...long. And long. With longness and being very long, but there are better ways to spend your time than convincing your girl that really she doesn't need to look elsewhere. Really, she doesn't need a female lover.

Really.

...He's not resting on his laurels. The bird is still around, somewhere, and he's not going to give up. Spoon is engaged in some in-depth study of romance right now. He's got Barry Manilow on headphones, Shakespeare's sonnets open on his knees, and any number of bodice-rippers with post-it notes hanging out of them.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

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Ray happens to be wandering by with a glass of the quantum blue stuff about now, and the books catch his eye. "Wow," he says. "That's a pretty frightening collection you've got going there."

"Yeah." Spoon says, "But Ace is going lesbian for some bird named Roxanne. Not fuckin' going to give up without a fight."

Spoon fights dirty. The fact that he still smells like cinnamon and catnip is proof of this.

"... uh," says Ray intelligently. "Ace? As in, you know, boom?" He jerks his hands apart in a controlled-explosion gesture. "Wow, that's... weird."

"You have no bloody idea." says the man who, well. "Told me once her ex wanted her to do that and she wasn't having any of it. Now? I find out she's got an ex! Female!"

"She hasn't eaten any tofu lately, has she?" asks Ray. "Or been bitten by any peculiar insects, or eaten any curry, or handled any weird artifacts, or taken to wearing any jewelry you've never seen before?"

"We're vegetarian." Spoon says, "I don't know, probably we eat a lot of Indian, I don't know, no."

Ray rubs at his nose, thinking. "Huh. That's really weird. I wonder... Sorry, Spoon. That really sounds weird from what little I know of Ace and you guys. The last time I heard about anything that strange going on- the last couple of times- it was a mass plague of weirdness, so naturally I wind up thinking along those lines."

"I don't know." Spoon says, "Just know that I'm not losing her." There is something rather less than sane in Spoon's eyes at the best of times.

Right now it's saying 'oh, yeah, I AM a predator'. "Not going to lose her."

We would like to point out, once again, that Ray has the survival instincts of an eggplant. He does not see teh crazy.

"That would be what all the research is about,t hen."

"It's this or find, kill, and eat Roxanne." Spoon says without so much as a hint of joke in his voice.

Ray looks at the pile of books again and suddenly finds himself deeply, truly, passionately grateful for the fact that he and Romana are sufficiently geeky that both of them consider in-depth discussions of particle physics to be highly desirable pillow talk.

"Good luck," he says. "Is there anything at all I can do to help?"

Usually Spoon and Ace are perfectly capable of getting along with bombs, hunting, dancing...they have lots of hobbies in common, really. It's just that right now, well. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Even if that includes wearing a bra.

Or a corset, God help him. "Dunno. Find out if other people are having strangers from the past show up? She never mentioned the bird to me before."

Ray nods. "Will do," he says. "Man. I sorta wish Peter were here, or Egon. Something like this always works better with more than one pair of eyes looking for the aberrant data points. Do you mind if I put some of this off on our new intern? We've had the President's daughter start working with us recently, and she's brilliant at correlating bizarre data patterns."

"Sure." says Spoon, rubbing at his temples, "I mean. Might just be...exactly what it seems like? But last night Ace didn't have a fuckin' clue what to do. You'd think she'd. Eh."

Just don't ask, Ray. Don't. Ask.

Wow. Ray turns as red as a Weasley. Who'd'a thunk?

"Um. Yeah. You'd think." He rubs at the back of his neck. "Say, how about I run a PKE scan on her myself, just in case? I mean, you never know, maybe the personality-altering tofu got loose again or something."

JUST PLZ TO NOT BE MAKING THE GEEKBOY THINK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S SEMI EXISTENT SAME SEX ESCAPADES.

"That'd be nice, Dr. Stantz. That'd be really nice." Spoon says, thankfully. "Dunno if anything is really...I just dunno. It doesn't make sense!"

"I make my entire living off things that don't make sense, Spoon," Ray assures the werewolf. "We'll get this figured out, I'm sure."

"Bloody well better." Spoon agrees, "Don't want to think she really didn't tell me. Keep wanting to go howl."

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