milliways_bar | (no subject)

Entry tags:

edward cullen

(no subject)

You know what proves to be problematic?

An eye patch on a cyclopean mutant.

CRASH!

"HALP!"

[TAG CERTIFIED 100% SCURVY FREE: Turanga Leela, Wilbur Whateley, Teddy Altman]

OOC: OPEN FOR TAGS FOREVERRRRRR ZOMG TLAPD YAY!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Be this a magic o' the day, or d'you always look like me leftovers from Krispy Chickin Hut?"

This is Leela being polite, honest.

"Awllus like this." Wilbur has had worse, trust me. "Part o' bein' the son o' 'un o' the Outer Gawds, the Thin's From Beyond thet lurk between the worlds."

His grin widens, and more tentacles slide out. One of them crawls over to Bar, which gives it a drink.

Leela watches all of this.

"Lady Bar, I believe I'll be needin' one o' those fer me own self," she requests as the tentacle.... drinks. Heck, she's seen weirder, but there's just something about an appendage moving as by its own volition that is a bit bothersome.

A mug o grog appears and Leela settles herself into it. "Would that be makin' ye a God yerself, mate?"

"Nawt really. Demigawd, maybe, but even thet's a human concept, an' They urn't human--nuthin' like human."

The tentacle eats its glass.

"Ye got any special abilities, matey?"

If she had an eyebrow, she'd be cocking it at the tentacle.

"Cantankerous lil' thing, ain't 'e?"

"I kin think en nine dimensions an' move en 13." Wilbur grins. "My room looks like suthin' drawn by Escher."

She cocks her head to the side.

"That be sayin' there be four dimensions you move in w'tout thinkin'?"

Curious.

"Suthin' like thet. Et makes more sense ef yew've bin turned inside out a few times, had yer head beaten en, an' then gawtten really drunk." He chuckles. "An' since yew wouldn't be likely ter survive thet, et's best ef yew simply take my word fer et."

"That's happened!"

No joke.

But seriously.

"Will ye be drinkin' tonight, Wilbur, or do only yer lil' friends do that?"

"Et's the same thin', really." He chuckles.

"Devil may cry, ain't that interestin'," she remarks.

"Imagine y'could get drunk a lot quicker that way. Only got t' one mouth, my own self, but tonight I feel like I could do fer more."

She gulps her grog for emphasis.

"I'm crazy enough sober.

"Ayuh? An' why es thet?"

"M'life is crazy 'nough as it be, w'tout Bar messin' with me on top o' it all," she explains.

"Whut's bin happenin' lately?"

"I work fer a delivery company that ain't makin' any deliveries," she grumbles.

"Half me coworkers arrrre missin', most days. And me wallet's lookin' mighty empty, if ye catch my meanin'."

Thank god Bar works with a tab.

"An' why ur they missin'?"

Wilbur is highly entertained by yet further proof that the multiverse is insane.

Leela's feet go up on the Bar as she ponders this.

"Bender's prob'ly out gamblin', er robbin' some poor sot. Prolly roped Fry into tagging along. Bloody blighters, if they've got themselves thrown in the stocks, I ain't comin' t' get them out."

She eyes Wilbur.

"Ye ever have t' worry 'bout friends like that?"

"Never had any befer I came tew Milliway's." Wilbur shrugs.

"What'd ye do w' yer time, then?"

"Read my gran'fathers Black books, mostly. Listened tew him ramble awn about the End o' Mankind an' why he approved o' et thoroughly. Chased after my crazy mother when she wandered awff somewhar. Tried--fruitlessly--ter milk the sickly, bloodless cows awn the farm. Halped rebuild the house when et gawt tew smawll. Eventually gawt mysalf kilt tryin' ter destroy the world." He grins. "Gran'father would've bin proud, I'm sure."

Well that's interesting.

"The devil y' wanna destroy t' world fer?"

"Because my mother was insane, my gran'father was a cultist, my Father was a monster from beyond spacetime, my brother was even weirder-looking than me, an' ever'un alse en my life hated me."

Wilbur laughs. "Et was kinda . . . unavoidable, yew know?"

"I grew up inna orphanage, t' only one-eyed alien in t' whole universe, mocked and hated by me peers m' whole life, 'fore I started workin' for Planet Express, 'n 'fore I found out I was really a mutant."

She takes another swig of alcohol.

"Never wanted to destroy t' blasted world, tho."

"Ayuh--but yew weren't told et was yer duty, either."

"If'n I was told it be my duty by a mother turned insane, a cultist gran'daddy, a father consider'd a monster from 'beyond space-time,' a strange brother, er anyone else harboring ill content t'wards me, I'd be inclined to tell 'em all to shove off, if y' catch my meanin'."

She tips her glass to him with a stern look.

Don't take crap from no one.