milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Boy, bar, several pieces of lined paper and a scowl.

He needs to figure out who to write notes to, and how to say what he needs to say.

Judging by the collection of balled-up papers nearby? It's not going well.

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"No, I don't," Teja says. "Tell me what happened."

"I just did!"

"Bare outlines of it only," Teja says. "What were you quarrelling with yourself about when he walked away, and when was that?"

Billy sighs. "I told you. He got on my case about something I didn't think was fair. I'm not sure how much I'm supposed to talk about."

Bitter? Him?

"If he got on your case, there must be a case," Teja says. "And one would assume that you may talk of it -- it is not private, the way what happens between you and your lover, or me and mine, would be private. Xaldin gave a thorough accounting of it to Zexion, who then came and spoke to me in a lofty way that amused me greatly, once I got over the very Somebody-ish surprise of having something that I did with another in my own bathtub be such general knowledge. But then it came clear to me that it is not a private matter; that would set the situation in the wrong light."

"He was --" Vague hand gesture. "Upset that Teddy had been talking to Larxene about his health. And siad that if we couldn't keep our mouths shut we couldn't help him."

Frustrated sigh.

"I'm tired of trying to help someone who doesn't want it."

"He would not be upset -- no emotions to be upset with," Teja points out.

"Not. Upset, then. I don't have the vocabulary to talk about this."

"It is hard indeed," Teja says, "to speak of them in words that do them justice; they are very different. He did not wish for Teddy to speak to Larxene of his problems focusing? Did he say why?"

"Her own wellbeing, I think." Billy sighs. "I was upset about other things at the time."

Teja nods. "It happens," he says. "The young do have a temper. You shall go and speak to him again, so he knows he can still count on you?"

"I guess." He doesn't really feel like it.

"No guesses needed," Teja says, grimly. "You have offered your help, and given a promise; you are who you are, and will not fail him."

"I did." He frowns. "I didn't sign up to be ignored or get bitched out for something neither of us knew was a problem."

"He would not know what he seems to be doing," Teja says, gently. "Billy -- you cannot take a Nobody so very personally, react as you react to any other. He may startle you, or me: - indeed, several of them have startled me! Xaldin seems cryptic, Xigbar seems rude, Lexaeus seems unwilling to speak, and Zexion appears to regard men much like the tiny beings he would peer at through an enlargement glass that looks into the small world, that the scientists of the future use! But they are none of these things; they are merely very different beings."

Long pause.

"If I feel affection and sympathy for Xaldin, it is my own affair; if you feel hurt by his words, it is your own affair."

"I know that. I'm trying, damn it! They're just. Not trying as much as I am."

"They might be trying at something different," Teja suggests. "Go speak to him again, get him to understand you still wish to help!"

Billy sighs, and reorganizes his papers. "I will. Thank you."

"You are welcome," Teja says. "How long until you leave?"

"Well. We don't have a definite date. After tomorrow, probably the first." He sighs. "I don't want to go."

Ahhhh.

"No man wants to go to war and hardship, risking life, limb, and loss of what he loves," Teja says. "But you know why you need to, and you know you have to."

Pause.

"There would be many things that trouble your heart; but Xaldin would know of these only in theory, just now. Do find him and speak to him, if you can, before you go; if you do not return, you would bequeath him a backlash of painful regret, upon gaining a heart, had you gone in what he might then see as anger."

"Yeah. Never let the sun go down on your anger and all that." He can agree with that philosophy. "I will."

"Good," Teja says.

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