milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Mike isn't so much seated at Bar as he is slumped over her. He hates days like today. You know the kind, where what you've been putting off all week just has to be done.

The concern du jour is the lack of writing on this week's Happy Hour schedule. There's just no amount of squinting that's going to make writing magically appear on the calendar before him, and he knows it.

It's just unfair the way the universe works, you know? That procrastination can't continue indefinitly.

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"...dude, if I tell you how awesome I am, are you even going to have the energy to high-five?" Barney says.

"that depends on the level of awesome obtained."

"Guess who got to drill a hellhole!" Barney says, raising his hand for a high-five.

Mike's head cocks to one side as he raises his arm for a fully functional high-five.
Heh...cocks. Fully functional.

"Is that like a Hellmouth?"

"When you're banging the ultra-sexy woman Devil, you get 'em both. Whattup?" Barney says, all smug.

"Whattup indeed!"

Mike rights himself with a new found burst of get-up-and-go.

"...damn it. Now I'll have Sympathy for the Devil stuck in my head all day."

"And believe me," Barney says, going with the Rolling Stones theme. "She definitely could some satisfaction. It was legend--wait for it..."

"Dary!"

"I gotta know. Does one spoon with the devil after sex?"

Religious literature is strangely silent on this topic, not that Mike's read any.

Well...okay, so maybe he's read Song of Solomon.

"Minimal spooning," Barney says. "She really just liked getting down to business. And her business was pleasure. I have to say, this was probably the most religious experience I've ever had."

"Did you fall like the angels?"

"Let's just say she came down from the mountain," Barney says. "And then came down again, if you know what I mean."

"We're coming dangerously close to the end of my religious knowledge, just so you know. I think burning bush is the only thing left in my arsenal."

Barney laughs. "It may not have been burning, but it was smokin' hot," he says.

"And... I think that's enough of the sacreligious innuendo for one day. We get to massacre fairy tales next time."

"Ooooh, anyone I know?"

"Goldilocks," Barney says. "and the three bare-back rodeo rides."

His opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out for a good long while.

"I...I can't believe it, I have no response for that."

"...come on, nothing?" Barney says.

"Oh there's innuendo all over the place, it's just that I know Goldy..."

"Oh man, you two didn't used to date or anything, did you?" Barney says.

"Oh no no no, nothing like that. I just...she's a good friend of Mel's Roommate Steph and well...she's a player."

"And?" Barney says.

"Well...do you like, need a hug?"

Mike opens his arms to Barney.

"You really think I need a hug because I had sex with a woman who was just trying to use me?" Barney says.

"Honestly? Yes."

The arms remain open.

"It'll take the hug," Barney says. "But this is not because I need it. We mututally used each other."