milliways_bar | (no subject)

(no subject)

Nick comes down from his room. He's cleaned up since...the last few days. He looks a little lost, but his clothing and hair and appearance is otherwise impecable. He nearly stumbles on the way to the bar, eyes staring at anything but the actual environment around him. He sits. He stares.

He orders some food and begins to sip.

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Nick laughs almost absentmindedly.

"Kitt? Is it...odd that I sort of want to be a car right now?"

"You would have an advantage over me, if you were in your car form right now," Kitt quietly informed him. "You were still put into your CPU when... when the emotional response limiters were still in place. That, I hypothesize, is why you would want to be a car."

But still... "If you truly wanted to, I'm sure Michael would welcome you. We're in New Mexico."

Nick blinks.

"I have no idea what you just said, Kitt...but the reason being a car sounds rather...appealing right now is the idea of just driving around with the sun on me...without a care in the world."

He smiles tiredly at Kitt.

"I really...that time there...the sunrise and everything. Despite the trouble, it will remaine one of my happiest memories, Kitt. You're a good friend."

"So are you, Nick. It was... interesting to have another car there. And I enjoyed teaching you, though I'm afraid I didn't get much of a chance." But then, he gives a small smile as well. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm afraid that what happened afterward wasn't pleasant for either of us. But it's easy to remember that time without any regret."

For just a moment, he imagined himself, Nick, and Karr sitting at the end of Devon's runway, watching the sun come up. The image made him smile.

"Nick, do you promise to contact me if you need me?"

Nick looks down at the comlink as if it had appeared out of thin air...but he nods.

"Yes. If you'll do the same."

"You're the only one I know of here who could find me there. Of course I would call you." And then, he smiled a bit more. "I missed you."

"Sorry...I was..."

He looks rather sheepish.

"Out in the woods a few days, airing my...issues. There are...far fewer of those demonic bunnies at least."

"I was inside Karr, refusing contact with the world." Kitt shrugged faintly. "Neither of us were very happy Knights."

Nick cracks an actual grin on that one.

"I suppose not, Kitt."

He hugs him back, looking much better for all the trouble.

"Thanks...hey...you don't...mind me calling you my little brother, considering...Karr, do you?"

He really should meet Karr sometime.

"No, I don't mind," Kitt smiled - still a tentative little smile, but a smile all the same. He doesn't smile much, anyway. "I like having siblings. If only Michael, Bonnie, and Devon could get here, I would try to arrange a family portrait."

Nick's smile broadens.

"If you get them here...I would paint it for you, if you wanted."

"I would want you in it," Kitt amended for him. "The difficult part would be convincing Karr. He rather doesn't like Michael. Or Devon. And his opinion of Bonnie is... unknown."

That, Kitt pauses at.

"She and I aren't getting along very well right now."

Nick blinks.

"Oh...why?"

"I'll tell you later," Kitt promises with a little nod. "It's not very fair of me to talk about it too much until I've tried to put things back together. And... I've not. It has to do with my second reprogramming, though. I can tell you that much.

"I was very... unwell."

Nick nods.

"You know...if...you need someone to talk to...or help...or maybe pave the way..."

Nick sighs.

"Honestly, it won't bother me. I...feel better when I'm doing something, helping someone."

"Karr didn't write her out of my trust allowances. I did. The choice was mine."

And then he spoke as if Nick would understand. "...She didn't wake up for me. She didn't come back to herself. But when Michael spoke to her, she did. I... I trust her enough to allow her to upgrade me, and I do still care for her, but I can't fully trust her again yet."

Nick nods.

"I understand. I love LaCroix...but I don't think I'll ever fully trust him."

He says nothing about anyone else.

Kitt went quiet.

Conspicuously quiet.

And then he shrugged lightly once more. "I don't love anyone."

Nick snorts before looking up at Kitt.

"So you think."

"No. I don't. If I love them, they'll leave. Michael and I already had this talk."

Nick shakes his head.

"You don't chose, Kitt. It's never a choice. And they don't always leave. You didn't leave me...and I love you. Like a brother, but I love you all the same."

Kitt stiffens, coming near to recoiling... but then he quietly speaks - "Perhaps it's not so simple for humans. I can put some limiter in place. But I saw what happened. Michael loved Stevie and she left. If she hadn't, Michael would have left me. I nearly told Bonnie, and she wouldn't even break out of that drug's hold for me. No. I'm not going to let that happen."

He consciously does not mention how Nick loves Natalie, and her leaving. To him, he's seen example after example. He has no reason to believe otherwise.

"So please don't say you love me. Say you care, if you have to say anything."

Now he focuses on Kitt.

"It's a word, Kitt. Whether I say I care for you or that I love you...the reality of the emotion is the same. What do you have against that word, Kitt?"

"People leave when they love... People leave and it hurts. Peo-- ... Humans. Humans can get over it, humans have memories that fade with time. I'll never forget if..."

He went quiet. Then he shook his head, looked away. "I'm only now better again. I don't need to talk about this. I don't need to talk about this because it'll get worse again."

Nick doesn't move.

"I'm not human. I don't have memories that fade with time. I never forget."

He blinks.

"I won't make you relive it if it'll cause you pain...but it's not love, it's not a word or even the emotion that causes people to leave. It's...just fate. Chance. What happens. It just hurts more when you want them to stay."