A penny gets you in, but it won't get you out

[scarred_grin]

...so long story short, Loki had nothing to do with that chalk graffiti in the hallway upstairs, doesn't even own a pair of roller skates, and in any case will not be going near the tequila again anytime soon. Mistakes were made. Jeez, that was like ten hours ago. Can't we all just move on?

In any case, here she is stretched out on the couch in a look that radiates 'off-duty goth barista, probably also an art student': twentyish, crayon-red streaks in otherwise black-dyed hair, lip-rings through her old scars, big headphones, a t-shirt that never fails to amuse her, tiny shorts, and platform boots that if she were standing would make her six and a half feet tall, but right now just help her take up the whole couch. Oh, and fishnet, since after all she'd invented it TRUE STORY

So yeah, there she is, half-drawing half-writing in a notebook, now and then singing along to the music on her headphones, totally botherable if you're feeling brave.



[tinytags: loki (that norse one)][open forever, though slows will happen at some point]

Comments

[ostro_goth]

"I cannot well gauge the relative pain of either, having done neither, myself," Teja says. "What pain I have known in my life was ever for a purpose: - mostly battle-wounds."

And then, some other things that he would not think of.

"I would make two of these things," he says, getting out pencils and a pair of compasses. "One that looks bad, but allows you to drink and speak; one that is edgier, might hurt somewhat, but is closer to the true thing."

[scarred_grin]

"Mine's all been purposeless," she says, setting her notebook on the floor under the chair before reaching up to start taking her existing piercings out. "I've been shot, I've been stabbed, hit by a car once, and I've been in more fights than I care to think about. People just seem to like doing things to me."

Things involving snakes, and sharp rocks.

"I think that's why I do this. If there's gonna be pain, I want to say where and how much."

[ostro_goth]

"I have learned about these things, from that friend who no longer comes to this place," Teja says. "He had a large scar upon his chest, and had piercings along it, as a way of taking back his body from what happened."

[scarred_grin]

"Exactly," she says. "What other people do to you, what marks they make--you can either let them stay as they are, a reminder of your powerlessness, or you can reshape them, reclaim them. Make your body your own again."

She takes out the last of her lip-piercings, holding the bits of metal--nine in all, four top, five bottom--in her hand.

[ostro_goth]

Teja takes his compasses and measures the holes with them, from one to the other, top and bottom lip, very systematically, and makes markings in his notebook that become a map of her lips.

Are there even more scars than those piercings? He cannot truly tell, but something in her words suggests that something was done to her, or something happened, that made her add the piercings to her mouth.

[scarred_grin]

She's got other visible piercings--her nose, her eyebrows, multiple places in her ears, one on the side of her neck--but those are all cleanly done, where the ones in her lips are much more jagged. The dwarves hadn't been interested in aesthetics, after all, but in revenge.

She feels a bit naked, having her old scars studied like this. The other scars she wears in this form (and there are many, most covered by her clothing but some from cutting or burning visible on her arms and legs) are incidental to this form, but the ones on her mouth are hers.

Sitting still isn't easy for her, so after a while she starts to fidget, though she tries to keep her head as still as possible.

[ostro_goth]

"A craftsman's work will take its time," Teja says, noticing the fidget, "if he is to work to the best of his skills, and the result shall please."

Or hurt in a pleasing way.

[scarred_grin]

"I'm just excited," she says apologetically, moving her mouth as little as possible. "Eager anticipation to see what you come up with."

She slips her jewelry into a pocket and reaches down to toy with the buckles on her boots instead. Still nervous energy, but hopefully not disruptive.

[ostro_goth]

Teja calmingly pats her knee, which feels odd, flesh under that fish-net, so he stops doing it

"You shall soon see," he says.

There is a perfect map of her mouth and the piercings in his notebook now.

[scarred_grin]

"Patience doesn't come easy for me," she admits with a chuckle. "It never has. I try--I really do! But nobody knows what's in the future, we could all be here one day and gone the next. So if there's something you want to do, you do it, 'cause you may not get another chance. You know?"

She glances down at the notebook.

[ostro_goth]

Teja is sketching, some sort of spider's web.

"Indeed," he says, "and I have ever taken on chance when it came. You shall have this soon."

He reaches out as of to touch her again, but then doesn't.

[scarred_grin]

"Don't think I'm trying to rush you or anything," she says. "It's nice in here--I've never been anywhere like this before. And I get to watch you work. It's a big day for me, so far."

She hasn't been around a forge in a very long time, and even then, it wasn't like she was welcome to just hang out and watch.

[ostro_goth]

"Would you have tea, or water, while you wait what designs I may come up with?" Teja says. "I have nothing else."

Hospitality is a sacred duty, after all.

Just then, a small black cat comes padding into the forge.

[scarred_grin]

"Tea would be wonderful, if it's no trouble," she says. "I used to draw in a teahouse sometimes, back in the city--well, hookah bar that served a lot of tea. Nice hazy atmosphere, like... like the when the world was new and the smoke hadn't cleared yet. Best place I ever found for drawing in. Is that one of your cats?"

[ostro_goth]

Teja makes tea -- black tea, with a handful of fresh herbs from the pots on the window-sill -- not speaking much while he does.

The cat comes to rub its face on Loki's big stompy boot, and look up at her with soulful eyes.

"Her name is Myrrh," Teja says, pouring tea.

He brings his visitor a mug, and settles down to his drawings with his own.

While he was making tea, the spider web design seems to have taken shape in his mind; the strokes are sure and deft now, as if he was drawing something he saw before his eyes.

[scarred_grin]

"An excellent name for a cat," she says, leaning down to offer a hand for the cat to investigate. In her experience, cats only tolerate people on their own terms and, unlike people, are hard to convince to change those terms.

People, on the other hand...

"Thank you," she says as he brings her the tea, and after a moment: "Would it bother you if I talk? I don't want to be disruptive."

She does know a thing or two about disrupting forgework, after all.

[ostro_goth]

"Speak, and Myrrh and I will both listen."

Myrrh, indeed, jumps on the workbench and gingerly sniffs at the tea.

"I merely cannot promise coherent answers."

[scarred_grin]

"Don't worry about that," she chuckles as she picks up her tea. "It happens a lot where--I guess I just have a really strong constitution, I don't know, but I'll be hanging out with somebody and there's drinking or something else involved. I'm always the last one conscious, and sometimes I don't realize the person I'm talking to is out cold. You know? You're trying to have one of those big relationship discussions, or you're baring your soul about something, and they're not even awake."

[ostro_goth]

"It would be even more awkward," Teja says, "if on the morn, you knew not if indeed they were awake and remember your words, or not."

[scarred_grin]

"Yeah, exactly. People lie--what if you said something they didn't like and they pretend they weren't awake so they don't have to deal with it? Or you share some dark secret and they pretend they didn't hear it, so you feel safe and then they use it against you. Or they're embarrassed and act like they remember whatever you were saying, even though they don't."

She takes a cautious sip of tea.

"I try not to have relationship talks in the dark anymore. Secrets, though... some things shouldn't be talked about in the light."

[ostro_goth]

"But not without the quiet sound of 'I hear you' back from the one you are sharing your secret with, so you know it is in their hearts and minds, and safely so," Teja says, and takes a sip from his tea.

[scarred_grin]

"I think all most people really want is somebody they can tell their secrets to and have them say 'it's okay, you're okay.' But you'd be surprised how hard that is to find."

She leans back a bit in the chair, watching him.

[ostro_goth]

Teja is drawing, but briefly looks at her.

"But in the end, what one would truly need, is to accept living with that secret, or maybe living out in the open with what used to be a secret, by oneself," Teja says, remembering the things he fought himself over, fiercely, when he was but new to this place. "The most important one to say 'It's okay, you're okay' as you put, will ever be you yourself. Then, you may keep the secret without shame, or stand in the open with it, defying shame."

[scarred_grin]

"I like to think I don't have any secrets," she says, "just things people don't ask about and I don't often volunteer. I may not be a completely open book, but the pages are all there, you know? And I like to think I'm okay, too, but... well, I've been out there so long I don't know if I can trust my judgment."

She shrugs lightly and sips her tea. "How do you know if something's broken in you? We've all only been ourselves, only seen the world as ourselves. So we've got no way to compare to anything."

[ostro_goth]

"If it's broken, it hurts and rubs and jars, and you think about how to make it right," Teja says. "Or you see it, and bear it as making it right is impossible, or comes at too high a price. Dangerous are those breaks that you know not about."