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[OOM: Practice talking to girls]

Trapped. That's what Harry's been these many weeks past, and of his own doing too -- that's not to be denied. The more he must smile and bow and expend his manners, the more he wishes for a horse and a sword and a Scottish border raid. When a door in Philippa de Coucy's house opens into Milliways instead of yet another solar full of nursemaids and noble daughters, to say his relief is palpable is only to concede to the limits of language.

So, though his hair is combed and he's trussed up in his finest visiting suit, it's a pretty good time to meet young Harry Percy. He's making a beeline for the Bar, intent on trying some new food or drink that's beyond the scope of his era. Go on. Ask him how his quest for a wife is going.

11 PM CST Oh no, guys! You're wonderful; I have to go to sleep. Will tag up tomorrow!

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"Oh, no, for that I'd likely be in my armor," says Ellen. "I only have two suits of clothing, and this is one of them. I've been out riding today."

But then she winces sympathetically. "I'm so sorry. That must be... trying? If there are a lot of them, anyway."

"Riding? In what?" Would she mean one of those machines which Harry still needs to see (oops)?

He grooooooans. "More young ladies than there are grains of sand in Jerusalem! I've not an inkling where they all have come from, though sure they must have been hiding somewhere as we both came of age."

Edited 2012-11-28 21:21 (UTC)

"Not in, on," Ellen says. "We haven't got horses in my part of the world, so I've broken a cow to the saddle and bridle. I know it's a bit silly sounding, but it's faster than walking, especially when I've got a long way to go."

Then she laughs. "Oh, they've probably been around and you just never noticed them before because they weren't important to you then," she says. "I hope they're older than the one your father originally suggested, though!"

"Say you so?" He snorts. "I have seen it done as a jape, but I wish thee luck of it, and that a better mount comes thy way anon." He does speak from experience. There's not a whole lot to do in Northumberland, as perhaps has been established.

A shudder. "Most, 'tis so, though I'd hardly know it. They titter and swoon and giggle like King Richard's pet ape. Yet I know women are not so foolish and tiresome always."

So either there has to be one out there who's interesting already, or he's going to have to find one who becomes interesting later, which is a bit of a gamble.

Ellen nods. "I can think of things I'd rather ride," she says. "Shiphrah and Puah is strong, and she can carry me and my gear for hours on end, but she tends to leave the knees sore."

The description gets a wince. "Oh dear. I don't think I could deal with that kind of girl day in and day out, and I'm female. I really hope you find somebody who doesn't drive you up the wall trying to escape them. That just sounds- unpleasant."

He wrinkles his nose. "It does not sound exciting, though, nor would I think a cow should understand urgency. Does she not wander off to graze?"

A long-suffering shrug. "I fear I'll meet every young lady in England before that comes to pass. We are due at the seat of the Earl of Devon in four days. I have tried to count how many Courtenay girls there, between daughters and cousins and grandchildren, and failed every time."

"I don't really need an exciting ride," Ellen says. "One that holds steady enough for me to shoot at raiders or radscorpions or other attacking beasts is more what I need. The enemies are exciting enough to make up for a lot."

(She's forgotten he probably has a very different idea of what constitues shooting.)

"Huh." She considers how many that must be. "Wow. Too bad you can't have them hold a tournament or a foot-race or something, like in the old stories."

He smirks. "Nay, if I was but obedient, patient and politic, I should be long sing since betrothed. My parents are the unluckiest in Christendom."

"They'll probably throw an amazing celebration when you do find the right girl, then," Ellen says. "If only out of gratitude that it's all finally settled."

A woeful aspect falls over him. "Nay, it shall only be a pause of the briefest sort, for no mother nor father shall see fit to rest until there is a grandchild in hand."

"Ooh. Good point," Ellen says. "Well- at least you'll be able to tell them you can get started on that once everybody else's gone home, right?"

It's easier to make a joke like that when you're not talking about yourself or your own chances. She's only a little pink in the face (and darker in the scars) at the reference.

... look, she embarrasses easily on certain topics. It's a thing.

It... it would be difficult not to chuckle, both at Ellen's expression and the fact that she would make the joke. Harry can, as a wise man said long after his time, resist everything but temptation.

"That, I think, I should not mind. The children that come after, though, I may leave that to more capable hands."

No, really. Babies, how do they work?

"Well, yes. That's more a thing for women anyway," says Ellen. "I mean, my father raised me all by himself, but he'd have done half of the work at most if my mother were still alive."

Probably less, considering that if Mom had lived they'd have stayed at Project Purity, but- well, you never know.

"You'll just have to get married first and then worry about the kids."

"One matter smaller than the next." He musses his hair with one hand. "Forsooth, I should rather learn to ride a cow."

"You're welcome to try if you'd like," Ellen says. "She's right out back. Or if you just wanted something you could laugh at I could ride her for you and you could see what it looks like at full gallop."

... Ellen, you're forgetting something.

Harry brightens. "My father will have my head if I but wrinkle these garish rags, but I could be content to see thee do so."

And really, if it looks fun enough, there is such a thing as getting a change of clothes from the Bar...

"All right, then," Ellen says, and grins. "Right this way- oh, um. I should probably warn you, she's... not really very much like other cows. At least, not the ones you know. You'll see what I mean in a minute."

Oy.

"Thou'rt little like other women I know."

Oh Harry. You think that's a compliment.

"Thank you," says Ellen, who's assuming that he means well by that, "but Shiphrah and Puah takes it to a whole new level."

She pushes open the back door and leads the way over to a grassy plot of quasi-Scotland where her cow is contentedly grazing. And keeping an eye on the area. Because they can do that.

"Oh heaven," he manages, and begins -- as he must -- to laugh.

"^Mmm_mmm^ooo_ooo^oooooo", says the cow, or something like it.

"I didn't really know how to tell you," Ellen confesses. "Some things are a little easier to believe once you've seen them."

"If creation might begin and end for all eternity here, I suppose I cannot be too mazed by a two-headed cow." He frowns. "Which is which?"

"Shiphrah's the head on the left. Puah's the one on the right- well, her left and her right, anyway," Ellen says. "I bridle both of them when I ride- it uses a noseband, not a bit, because I can't get them to keep a bit in their teeth."

"Are they--"

Oh fie! So many questions -- how to order them?

"Are they different animals? How much do they eat between them? Did one learn to bear thee more quickly than the other?"

"They're both the same animal," Ellen says. "If one head falls asleep, the cow can still walk around if the other head is still awake. She lies down to let both heads sleep, though. They eat... well, a pretty fair amount. Cows, regular cows, have four stomachs- these have eight, two of each stomach side by side, so there's a lot of grazing to do. But it's not that bad because one head can watch for danger while the other one is grazing... They're both about equally smart, and they both seem to notice about the same when I dig in my heels or pull on the reins. I think they both learned to take commands at about the same pace."

After a pause, she adds, "Most cattle are like that where I live, now. I had to help one deliver a calf, in fact. I don't think I want to repeat that experience."