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Some time ago for romantic purposes Karkat came into possession of a large holographic video display. He has been nursing an idea for a while, but the weather outside in mock-Scotland has been too grotesque to make it feasible.

Tonight, however, the grotty mist has finally stopped and when Karkat rises with the moon he discovers weather that is almost practically tolerable, especially once he deploys a firepit and spreads a tarp over the damp ground.

He fiddles with the projector a bit, finally managing to project the king-sized screen he wants over the lake. The first romcom he cues up is Pretty Woman, and he grunts with satisfaction as he plops himself into an stuffed husk he hauled down from his room and the familiar opening begins to unfold.

Welcome to the drive-in. The second film in the triple feature will be Grosse Pointe Blank, followed by My Best Friend's Wedding.

[OPEN THREAD! Feel free to use the setting with or without tagging Karkat, he will out here all night marathoning cheesy romantic comedies. Feel free to suggest movies that will follow Pretty Woman, and I will update this post with a list of the ones this cranky sumbitch has approved that people can reference playing.]

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"Oh."

Give her a few seconds, she's been distracted by Julia Roberts.

"They don't seem to be telling stories."

Julia Roberts can definitely be distracting, especially at the beginning of the movie, as she shimmies into her ridiculous outfit and choppy blonde wig. "NO, THEY ARE ACTING ONE OUT," he says, with something almost but not completely unlike patience. "LIKE IN A PLAY."

"IT IS THE STORY OF A TRANSANCTIONAL COUPLER IN A MAJOR HUMAN CITY WHO IS ENGAGED BY A LONELY CAPITALIST ON A WHIM. BUT THEN SOME THINGS HAPPEN, WHICH ARE RELATIVELY UNEXPECTED."

He pauses here. "PEOPLE NORMALLY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I SAY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT'S GOING TO TAKE PLACE."

"Why?"

Teresa replays the question in her head - which doesn't take long - and adds, "why don't people like it?"

She'll get to 'why are they being a transactional coupler and a lonely capitalist in a bit.

Shrug. "I GUESS THEY PREFER TO BE SURPRISED BY THE STORY?"

"ON MY PLANET ALL THE MOVIES HAD A TITLE LONG ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE STORY, IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO TELL THEM ALL APART AFTER A FEW MILLENIA. BUT HUMANS ARE PRETTY INSISTENT ABOUT DOING THINGS THEIR WAY."

She smiles again, brighter as if that really does amuse her.

"Yes," she agrees. "They are."

Humans: weird.

"Is this a historical story?"

"NO IT'S A MADE UP STORY, LIKE A FAIRY TALE. I KNOW EXACTLY JACK AND SHIT ABOUT BARTERING YOUR TORSO ON HUMAN PLANETS BUT I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT BILLIONAIRE TWATS IN SHINING SPORTSCARS APPEAR TO WHISK YOU AWAY FROM IT ALL WITH ANY KIND OF FREQUENCY."

Stories just for the fun of it aren't really a thing on Teresa's world.

Nothing is a thing on Teresa's world other than yoma and the being eaten thereof.

"An allegory, then? With a lesson to teach?"

"YEAH, IT IS A PRIMER ON THE VAGARIES OF HUMAN ATTRACTION, AND THE IDEALS THEREOF. I MEAN, IT IS A VANISHINGLY UNLIKELY AND FAIRLY IDIOTIC SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES, BUT THE POINT IS TO DEMONSTRATE SOME SOLID TRUTHS ABOUT THE POWER AND NATURE OF HUMAN ROMANCE, I GUESS, AND THAT THEY ARE VALID EVEN AT THE EXTREMES OF EXPERIENCE."

This is... not really true, but it's how Karkat has always approached romcoms.

AND ALSO, TO ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE OF A SPUNKY URCHIN STICKING IT TO UPTIGHT HABERDASHERS, IF THAT IS YOUR THING."

Edited 2013-03-09 02:20 (UTC)

"Oh."

If Teresa sounds vaguely confused, it's because she is.

"They didn't let her buy clothes."

There's got to be something important in that.

"IT IS A LESSON ABOUT NOT JUDGING PEOPLE TOO HASTILY, BECAUSE THEY MIGHT HAVE A BILLIONAIRE'S CREDIT CARD IN THEIR PURSE EVEN IF THEY LOOK AS BROKE AS A PROMISE."

"ALTHOUGH, THEY ARE LOWER-CASTE VENDORS THEMSELVES. THEY HAVE CAUGHT SNOBBISHNESS, LIKE A COMMUNICABLE DISEASE, FROM THE ELITES THEY CATER TO, AND SO THEY JUDGE HER AND MISS OUT ON VAST PROFITS FROM HER PANOPLY OF BOXES. BECAUSE HOLY FUCK DOES SHE BUY A BUNCH OF CLOTHES, FOR SOME REASON."

Karkat thinks fashion is stupid. "I GUESS, BECAUSE IT MAKES HER LOOK AND FEEL MORE LIKE THE KIND OF RICH TRASH SHE IS PRETENDING TO BE, WHICH NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, KIND OF CONTRADICTS THE OTHER MESSAGE."

[OOC: Ack! Where did that week go?]

"Humans judge people on how they look," Teresa remarks, sharing the one thing she knows above all about humans.

"I suppose they have to, without the ability to detect auras. It keeps them alive."

...this doesn't help understand why the shopkeepers are judging the young lady with the hair.

(Karkat is wearing a black corderoy jacket with his sign stitched on the arms in red; he folds his arms, coincidentally letting his fingers fold over the embroidery.)

"TROLLS CARE MORE ABOUT WHAT'S ON THE INSIDE. BUT NOT," he adds hastily, "IN ANY ENLIGHTENED OR HEART-WARMING WAY."

"I ALWAYS THOUGHT AURAS WERE A MADE-UP THING THAT WASN'T REAL." He doesn't sound skeptical, just resigned and a little disgusted. Sort of, it figures.

Teresa's sign is on clear display over her armor. She supposes it means nothing anymore, but it still is the only way she has of writing her name.

"Sometimes they are the only way of telling a real person from something that wants to eat your guts," she says mildly. "Yoma care about what's on the inside too, you see."

That was a joke. He may laugh if he wants.

He does, short and ugly. That's pretty much just the way he laughs, though.

"SO PRESUMABLY THAT IS NOT WHATEVER THE THING IS THAT ISN'T HUMAN THAT YOU ARE," he says, "UNLESS IN YOUR OPINION YOU ARE NOT A REAL PERSON, I GUESS."

"DEFINITIONS VARY."

"I GUESS WHAT I AM ASKING HERE IS IF YOU ARE LIKELY TO TRY AND EAT MY GUTS? AND/OR INCLUDE ME OUT OF THE REAL PEOPLE CLUB."

Edited 2013-03-15 19:03 (UTC)

Teresa continues to smile because she's pleased she made a joke and it made someone laugh. This never happens!

"I am half-yoma," she says. "On my world, that would make me not a real person. But don't worry, I'm not going to eat you, or anyone here.

"Do you call yourself a person?"

She doesn't care to apply labels to anyone.

This conversations has quickly ratched up several levels of interestingness! He raises his eyebrows. "I CALL MYSELF ALL KINDS OF THINGS," he says, meaninglessly.

"BUT LIKE I SAID. DEFINITIONS VARY. ON MY WORLD, I PROBABLY WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN IN THE CLUB. IF, YOU KNOW, THEY HAD KNOWN WHAT WAS ON THE INSIDE."

Edited 2013-03-15 19:25 (UTC)

"Why not?"

He doesn't seem particularly dangerous to Teresa. Obviously there are the horns and the grey thing, so maybe that's it?

Shrug. "MY WORLD HAD A PRETTY FUCKING STRICT HIERARCHY BASED ON BLOOD COLOR. MINE WAS SO GODDAMN LOW IT FELL RIGHT OFF THE SPECTRUM, THAT'S ALL. A MUTATION."

Some things he doesn't mind using the past tense for.

"Oh."

Well, that's both stupid and makes sense, given what she thinks of humans.

"That is ridiculous."

"YEAH, NO SHIT. ALTHOUGH IT IS NOT HALF AS STUPID AS SOME OF THE REASONS HUMANS FIND TO CALL EACH OTHER NOT PEOPLE, FROM WHAT I GATHER."

At least there were legitimate biological differences between hemospectrum castes.

"Where I come from it was just whether of not someone was part-monster," Teresa says. "I suppose that's relatively understandable."

"THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU CALL A MONSTER."

See again: definitions vary.

"Yoma," Teresa says. "We only had the one kind."

"HUH. ALTERNIA WAS MONSTER GODDAMN CENTRAL. YOU COULDN'T THROW A ROCK WITHOUT HITTING AN ENRAGED MONSTER OR AT LEAST, IT WAS PROBABLY ENRAGED AFTER YOU THREW A ROCK AT IT."

"Did they like to eat people?"

She clarifies that last: "or anyone who considered themselves people?"