Milliways' guide for first-time patrons

[herr_bookman]

Autor's been a bit busy recently. He posts his Milliways' Guide for First-time Patrons up on the bulletin board, spreading out the maps.

He also posts the following note:

Attention: I, Autor, am writing this guide for first-time patrons, and require help finishing it. If you see anything missing, please let me know either via note or in person. I'll be sitting by the bulletin board until I finish a pot of tea.

The boy acquires his libation and seats himself at the table nearest the board to wait.

Comments

I had to...

[hey35andholding]

Leave it to Clementine to blurt out the first thing that crosses her mind upon seeing the new pamphlets.

"No one told you about the whorehouse, did they?"

Ahahaha omg!

[herr_bookman]

The boy chokes on his tea. "Ah," he says, once he recovers, "I... I actually knew about that"--and here his blush is compounded, color bursting on his cheeks--"but I chose not to include it, for obvious reasons. Do... do you think I should?"

*BOWS*

[hey35andholding]

She shrugs. "It's your list, man." Clem knows kids come in and out of the Bar at all times, so it's probably not a good idea to bring it up automatically as you come in through the door.

[herr_bookman]

"Yes," Autor says, recovering with a sip of tea. "We... I might not want to include that, I think, unless there's an uproar about it. I wouldn't want to... possibly scare anyone away from the bar! Right? Right."

[hey35andholding]

She chuckles. "I've been up there. It's not as scary as it could be. Unless you ask for Svetlana."

[herr_bookman]

"I don't even want to know how a brothel could be scary," Autor says, swallowing.

[hey35andholding]

"The things I could tell you," Clementine declares, "would make your hair curl. I mean, once there was this lube fire and..."

[herr_bookman]

"Lube?" the boy asks, blinking.

[hey35andholding]

Oh great, she's going to have to explain. "Have you ever had to get something out of a really tight space?"

[herr_bookman]

Autor purses his lips, thinking on that. "Yes. But what does that have to do with...?" He doesn't want to say the word again. It sounds dirty.

[hey35andholding]

"Let's just say people use it to get big things into narrow things, okay?" And she doesn't snicker, which for Clem is actually a pretty amazing feat of anti-assholeism.

[herr_bookman]

Yeah, that blank look? Indicates that he still doesn't get it. "Uh-huh," he says, skeptically. "So what you're saying is--"

He claps his hands over his mouth, strangled by his fearsome blush. Someone just figured it out. "Oh, my god!"

[hey35andholding]

"Ding ding," she replies. If she had booze, she'd be sipping it to punctuate her point. But since she doesn't, she'll settle for shooting him a smirk.

[herr_bookman]

"But why would you--I mean, a big thing... In a little thing... and... um. Gosh," Autor says, flailing a little. His brain just can't handle this level of perversion. "I, um... Wouldn't that hurt?"

[hey35andholding]

"Human nature, honey," she says lightly. "All about human nature." Then a dry raising of her eyebrow. "Not if you do it right."