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Jim has been rather enjoying spending weeks being moody and depressed in his suite, mainly because Sherlock's up there to make sure he's not actually all that moody and depressed. Bloody boyfriends, and their way of making life better. Jim would grump about that if he weren't pleased by it.

He's only in the bar now because his favourite distraction is asleep and anyway, they need food. Jim puts in a large order and, on a whim, asks for a current newspaper from their world. Bar provides an iPad with various headlines, and he scrolls through until he hits upon the news that NASA has discovered a solar system where life might have evolved.

He forgets about the food, and pretty much everything else for a while. Eventually he wanders over to the Window, still reading, and then just sits looking out at the explosions.

(The ice cream he bought will be melting all over the Bar at some point, so if anyone wants free food he's probably not going to object, or even notice.)

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They think it's sad because they know what it's like to be entirely alone, on a planet full of people. And that's about as close to empathy as James Moriarty can get.

'Calibration is better. That suggests it's the team controlling it projecting sentiment on to it.'

Which...it's a robot. This conversation is ridiculous. He ignores it, and moves the iPad away.

'I've been having interesting conversations.'

"Is that a euphemism?"

Sherlock looks very pleased with himself.

'...no?'

What the hell, Sherlock.

Damn. This appears to be serious.

"What did you have interesting conversations about?"

'Well, there was the vampire-hunting Jesuit priest, and...Vyvyan - don't ask - and the beautiful masochist who openly tries to get in my head, and definitely still wants to me to hurt him-'

He was going to move on, assigning no more importance to that than anything else. But this is Sherlock, so-

'-and I did not say I would. I encouraged along a conquest for my younger self, and do you want to have children?'

"...what?"

That last bit is definitely the important part. He has no idea who Vyvyan is and apparently he needs to have a word with the beautiful masochist, but --

"Children?"

'Yes.'

You see Sherlock, he would elaborate, but that's the important question. Right? Whether he wants to, first and foremost? And Jim is rather stuck on it.

He still doesn't think it's a big deal. Sort of. Like, even if the answer is something he doesn't like, it wouldn't be a matter for now, anyway. But Tess is right; he's never letting Sherlock go, so why not talk about it? He's got enough to fester on this month, he doesn't want this adding to it.

"Children," Sherlock repeats.

He is BSODing a bit.

'Yes. You know. Small people you've passed half your DNA to.'

He nips his earlobe to try and help with the comprehension. But this is reassuring! They are obviously not something Sherlock's considered in relation to himself.

"I--"

Nope. Still not.

"I don't want children. I understand their purpose but -- my parents would probably like grandchildren but Mycroft would be better with providing that, if he weren't so -- him -- but -- I mean -- wouldn't that require a woman? And I'm gay, so. No women."

...okay, so, not as reassuring. Jim turns his head and pulls back a little so he can see his face.

'No, but-'

Dear God, where to start with all that?

'-to begin with, you wouldn't actually have to have sex with a woman, that can all be done in a lab. You must have heard of test tube babies. But that's besides the point; I'm not suggesting we have children. I'm trying to determine what the likelihood is of you wanting them in the future.'

THIS IS GROSS.

'I could talk about the multitude of ways in which Mycroft should never be allowed to procreate, ever - even more so than me - but I'll spare you that lecture. Just...'

Shit, maybe he's been BSODing a bit himself, without even realising it. The obvious solution to this whole thing would be to let it slide off. Put a song on and dance to it, cool it out until it goes away, or at least gets locked in a convenient box for later.

Oh, well. Too late.

"Oh."

He touches Jim's hair again. It makes him feel better.

"I don't think I do. I've never thought about it, really. I don't ... feel an imperative to pass on my DNA, particularly."

He pauses a moment. "But if you had a baby with someone, I could be an all right stepdad, I think."

...

....Jesus, what the fuck, NO.

Okay, definitely his turn to BSOD.

...no, seriously, this got out of hand really fast.

'Sherlock-'

Breeeeeeeathe.

'-to begin with, you would not be a stepdad, fuck that noise. Secondly, I'm dead, so it's not even possible,' and he'll just conveniently ignore the upcoming change in life status, plus the obvious presence of the boy around the place, '-thirdly, the very last thing I want to do is burden anyone with life. This was whether-'

he waves a vague hand, and then puts it straight back on Sherlock's body, because it makes him feel better.

'-we're not breaking up. You know?'

Sherlock huddles back into Jim, relieved and yet -- not exactly?

"I thought you might be breaking it to me gently that you got someone pregnant."

He turns back his head and kisses Jim's cheek.

"I don't need to be a dad."

Good! Yes! He can seize on that!

'You think I slept with someone else?'

That's offensive. But he still holds him nice and tight, even if he is not exactly reassured. I don't need is not the same as I don't want, and there's bound to be other things coming into play later on. John Watson, for example, and his upcoming nuptials.

"Tess," Sherlock points out. "Condoms break."

'That's what I said. She got very pissed off.'

No, look, he can do this. He takes a deep breath, and tries to reorder his thoughts. And he's annoyed at her now, for getting him into this.

'All I did was tell her to be careful with the boy, because I don't want any surprises. And it led to her pointing out that you and I are not going to break up. And she thought we'd be curious about having one to study - which I could see you being into, to be honest - and...point is, I don't want anything to do with children. But if that's something you were set on, you'd need to tell me now so I can readjust the future in my head.'

"I'm not set on it," Sherlock says. "I don't even think I'd want to study one."

He strokes Jim's arm.

"But if I did -- if I did want to be a dad, you'd see to it that I could be, wouldn't you?"

This feels like a trick question. Like on one hand, Sherlock's giving him the opportunity to say yes, I'd do anything for you. And on other other, if he does say that - which of course he's going to - it leaves it open if Sherlock decides that is what he wants later.

'It's not a hard thing to arrange,' he says, smiling to hide the awful weight of realisation making itself known inside him. That this might actually be a Thing.

'If it was what you wanted, I could make it happen.'

But it's not what you want, right Sherlock?

Sherlock huffs quietly. "It's not what I want, but it's always nice to hear." He kisses Jim's cheek again.

'Okay. Good.'

Right. Crisis averted? Crisis averted. Jim breathes out, and leans their heads together. He's silent for a long few moments, letting that settle. He'll come back to it on his own, just in case.

He does smile against Sherlock's cheek though.

'She asked me if I realised I practically swoon whenever you're mentioned. I didn't have the heart to tell her at least half of that's for show.'

But the rest of the time, he is genuinely unaware he's doing it.

"I make you swoon?" Sherlock asks with a smile. "Even when I'm not around? That's darling."

'Not actually swoon. Just...you know. Giddy, I suppose.'

And he's not a giddy person, unless he's acting it. But he can't deny he enjoys talking about Sherlock, and apparently it shows.

"Darling boy," Sherlock murmurs and stretches back so he can kiss Jim's mouth.

It's adorable. He's charmed.

Adorable, charming; definitely words Jim is okay with having associated with himself. It's just that usually they're covering something else, and this time they're...not.

Whatever. He smiles and kisses Sherlock sweetly.

'If something like that comes up again, I'll explain better.'