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milliways_bar2005-03-15 08:54 pm
xan-shaped.livejournal.com) wrote in milliways_bar2005-03-15 08:54 pm
Karaoke Time!
*There is a karaoke machine in the bar. It is very large and very pink.
Therefore, Xander assumes that it must be evil.*
Wow ... didn't know they had an open mike night ...
*He approaches the karaoke machine slowly. It lights up and looks inviting-- as inviting as a possibly-evil-because-of-its-pinkness karaoke machine can be.*
Whoa!
Therefore, Xander assumes that it must be evil.*
Wow ... didn't know they had an open mike night ...
*He approaches the karaoke machine slowly. It lights up and looks inviting-- as inviting as a possibly-evil-because-of-its-pinkness karaoke machine can be.*
Whoa!
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He sidles up to the machine. "Yo, who's runnin' this hunk o junk?"
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Yeah, be careful with that thing! I have a feeling it's Evil Incarnate.
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His song is chosen.
He ascends the stage.
The music starts.
Some nice fluffy bit of dance-pop treacle. Folks from around 1994 or anytime in the ten years or so since will immediately recognize it. (http://www.lyricscrawler.com/song/26093.html) As it plays on, he starts talking into the mike.
"Now, I know what you're saying to yourselves. 'Dude. Deadpool, look, nothing personal, but what's the deal?' But here we ARE, ten years down the road, and the entire world has forgotten about the song that climbed to the top of the charts in FORTY countries! Number one in Britain! Number one in Belgium! Australia, the U.S.A., you name it! Yes. ACE OF BASE. Oh yeah! You remember Ace of Base, they got so screwed by a record contract that people in the industry will still be talking about it for years to come, cause they signed this thing, right? And it said 'you will make for us three records.' Now, they were all friends at the time and they enjoyed what they did, and back in their hometown of Gothenburg they were saying to each other 'Three records? Shit! ABBA made thirty!' So they signed the contract and they made this record with a bunch of songs that they wrote when they were all teenagers, and they loaded up into this little tiny car and they went on tour for like, six-seven months straight, give or take a few months and by the end of it, every time they got out of that car, they couldn't stand the sight of one other. so they tell the record label 'you know, we appreciate it and everything, but uh, we've broken up...' and the record label says....
Oh, no you haven't.
So, their second album vanishes almost without a trace! And if it weren't for me, the entire world would forget about Ace of Base and go about their business, but I won't let that happen, because I liked those guys! I liked Jenny! I liked Joker! I liked Linn! I liked Buddah!"
Inexplicably, the music has looped during this entire rant, and finally he starts to, you know, sing.
I gotta new life
You would hardly recognize me I'm so glad
How could a person like me care for you
Why do I bother
When you're not the one for me
Whoa, is enough, enough
And then, an invocation.
"C'mon, you fuckers! Help me out here!"
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"I saw the sign! It opened up my eyes and I saw the sign!"
Volume can always make up for a total inability - or lack of caring enough - to find the right note, right?
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Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong
And then, another rant.
He paces back and forth rambling into the microphone.
"Oh, COME ON! What's funny about this for me is that I liked this song since it was still on the charts and everywhere where I've gone, New York, Boston, London, whatever, people were all 'Oh, I never heard of it' and I say 'Don't you listen to the radio? They play it every thirty minutes!' and they look at me and frown and say 'I don't listen to the radio.' So I say 'Well, what about MTV? They played it just as much on MTV!' and they feed me this line about how 'oh well, i don't have a lot of time and i don't this and i don't that and I don't watch the MTV.' And I say to them...
DON'T LIE TO ME. DO NOT LIE TO ME.
You know this song! You WANT to sing this song! Deep down inside of you, there's someone who wants to go out to clubs and dance and sing but you're afraid that it won't look right or you'll make a fool of yourself but you know what? We're at the END OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE! Nobody will care! Nobody will tell, and there's no film in the cameras, so you've gotta sing along with me on this chorus or so help me god, I will start shooting people right here! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!
Under the pale moon
For so many years I've wondered who you are
How can a person like you bring me joy
Under the pale moon
Where I see a lot of stars
YOU HAVE FOUR MEASURES!
ONE
TWO
THRE
FOUR!
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Life is demanding without understanding..."
At which point she trails off, because nobody should be forced to listen to her sing. A life time of shouting at people to get out of the fucking volcano has taken its toll.
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He's on his knees. "WHY, GOD? WHY?"
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Regardless, he sits there, slumped and mumbling dissatisfiedly until someone eventually does drag him out, but probably not into the light where he belongs.
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It sounds vaguely familiar, in the "I heard it once before" way.
And the magic of the karaoke takes over, and the idol danging is back in full swing.
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes- I saw the sign!
No-one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong.