milliways_bar | (no subject)

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There's a Speak N' Spell in the bar.

It's just sitting there.

Play with it. It wants to spell right now!

"pLaY WIth mE."

And that reminds her of something. She's seen enough movies to know that machines shouldn't be able to talk on their own, but this is Milliways.

"GEt Up! I wAnT To SpElL RIGhT NoW!"

"B-a-U-E-r," it adds.

It knows her name. That is definitely nor normal for a toy.

"Spell what?"

"WoRdS, K-i-M. I WAnT tO S-p-E-l-L WoRds. PlAY WItH Me!!"

"Any words?"

"SoMeBoDY ShiT oN The CoAtS HOw DiD MArY DiE?"

She blinks. "Excuse me?"

"A TiRE HiT HEr iN thE FAcE C-h-R-i-S-t ChEx CHrIsT C-H-E-x."

"ThAt TiRE WasN'T fUckInG ArOUnD," it adds.

And really just to make the thing shut up, Kim grabs it and types in letters:
A-P-P-L-E.

"aPpLE."

"...PlAy AgAiN."

Okay, that was normal. She could do this for a little bit, anything to stop the thing from speaking.

computer she types.

"c-O-m-P-u-T-e-r CoMpUtEr I wAS CleANIng A DIsH TeLL HiM WhAT YoU ToLd Me TeLL hIm whAt YoU tOld mE!"

She almost drops it in surprise, but still has no idea what's going on...okay apparently it didn't like that word.

Antidisestablishment she types in.

"aNtIDiSEstAbLiShMeNt A-n-t-I-D-i-S-E-s-t-A-b-L-i-S-h-M-e-n-T."

"ThAt'S Not wHAt He tOlD Me," it mutters darkly.

She'll probably regret this but...

it's not what who told you she types

"It'S NoT W-H-a-T wHO ToLD YoU."

"YoU Me anD YoU yOu WAit foR thE NexT gRouP i HeArD iT So i CaMe oUt."

Okay that made no sense at all.

Phone she types.

"PhOnE p-H-O-n-E Oh gooD ThEy'Re shOwINg iT AgAIn LoOk l-O-o-K loOk!"

"Are you just spouting out random words or are you actually trying to say something?"

"ThE TiRe iS OuT fOr VenGeANce v-E-n-G-E-A-n-C-e VeNgEAnCe," the Speak N' Spell warns.

"How can a tire be out for vengeance?"

"ThIs TiRe WasN'T FuCkIng A-r-O-u-n-D, aS We LiKE tO saY."

"Vengeance on who?"

"thE tIre MuRDeREd mArY Oh Good ThEy'Re ShoWing it AgaIn LoOk looK lOOK eVerYoNE DivEs."

"SLIp aND BlEEd, SlIp aNd B-L-e-e-D!" it shrieks.