milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Sawyer has finally realized what an idiot he's been coming down in the evenings to eat. It's much less busy during the day; much fewer people present to mock his current wardrobe situation.

So, the amount of Sawyer's in the bar has just increased by one.

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"I tried! It still kept creeping, and it took my boxers along for the ride!"

At least boxers are less scratchy than tulle, *Meg points out innocently.*

Sawyer pinches the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, Smurfette. I hope you aren't planning on getting this thing back when this is all over, 'cause I'm burning this thing come Tuesday."

*Meg snorts.*

You think I want it back after all that? I'm strange but I'm not gross.

"I think half the bar would agree that a grown man in a tutu is a pretty damn gross sight, and you're the one that made it happen."

*Meg looks innocently puzzled.*

Really? Everyone I've talked to is enjoying it immensely. Public service, sort of thing.

"They're probably just agreeing with you out of self-defense, 'cause they don't want you getting them into a tutu."

Many of them, *Meg says brightly,* have already asked me for tutus.

Besides, you know, it's not as if I can force-wrestle people into tutus. I'm less than five feet tall, in case you hadn't noticed. You have to step into it willingly.

Sawyer quirks an eyebrow. "You think I did this willingly?"

You did make a very stupid bet, *Meg points out kindly. Implied: it's more charitable to think that you did it on purpose.*

Sawyer will choose stupidity over purposeful cross-dressing any day.

"Yes, I did... and why am I even talking to you now? I'll probably end up wearing a tiara before this conversation is through."

*Meg perks up.* Why, d'you want one?

"No."

I talked to Snow about putting Bigby in a tutu, *Meg adds thoughtfully.* She didn't seem pleased.

A beat.

Then, Sawyer laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaughs.

*Meg looks innocent.* I think he'd look fetching.

*Meg is an equal-opportunity pest.*

"I think Snow would kill you."

"So, by all means, go for it."

Oh, come on. *Meg beams at him.* Having me around is good for you! It teaches you valuable things about yourself.

"Honey, the only thing this experience has taught me is that tulle is unforgiving to male genitalia, and I think I could have gone my whole life without knowing that."

There, see! *Meg says proudly.* You're learning something you would have never learned in your whole life.

Besides, now you have a new appreciation for the difficulties a life of a ballet dancer entails.

Sawyer sighs. "Right. Lesson learned. Thank you ever so much for opening my eyes."

*Megs are sarcasm!proof!*

You're very welcome. Anytime you need another service like that, you just let me know and I'll be happy to oblige.

Sawyer bites back any "servicing" jokes that threaten to jump out. He doesn't want to give her any excuse to try for another week.

"I'll keep that in mind. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna go find something alcoholic to help me forget what I'm wearing."

*Now we see the point of the exercise. Meg will have Sawyer thoroughly tamed before you know it.*

Enjoy! *Meg says cheerfully, and heads off to ~~bother~~ chat with someone else.*

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