milliways_bar | OMG BARTENDING POST BLING BLING :O

OMG BARTENDING POST BLING BLING :O

*Bernard emerges from the Staff Wing and walks behind the Bar.

He doesn't even ask her for cigarettes, and so he's surprised when one lonesome Camel Light appears rather sheepishly on her gleaming surface next to a shot glass and a bottle of Hacienda del Cristero.

He grins.*

Thanks, baby. Think I'll save it up.

*He looks out over the barroom and calls out the specials.*

Welcome to Milliways Happy Hour.

Food specials are chicken casserole; spinach and ricotta quiche; and beefsteak with chips, onions rings and peas.

Drink specials are Magner's cider and Harp lager.

*He pours himself a shot.*

What'll you have?

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*Far be it from Bernard to neglect a challenge.*

Well.

*He shoots his tequila.*

Before I came here, I was one of the ten most wanted men in America in 1974. Bomber. Of the occasionally-mad variety. Blasted out of jail and right through the front door.

I arrived, covered in dust, and was immediately dragged off to bed with a sex demon with a redhead fetish.

Thirty-six hours later, I emerged, only somewhat bowlegged, and was hired as a bartender by the Head Barman at the time. Shacked up with the sex demon for a few months.

In August, the Head Barman left for Heaven with his also-dead wife, and the Bar chose me as the replacement. Dunno if you know what that means for me, but basically I'm here for life. The Bar and I are bonded, metaphysically. *A grin* So don't ever do anything to hurt her, because it'll hurt me and you'll have the entire bar on your head.

Anyway. The fall passed, and on Halloween, the Bar was vandalised. Words wer magically carved into it.

*He holds up his left forearm, where the scars that cover his entire body resolve to form the word dead.*

So they were also carved into me repeatedly.

Was in a coma for about five weeks. When I woke up, my girlfriend, Fleur, the sex demon, broke up with me because I was in love with someone else. That smarted, a bit.

I recovered, grew a pair, and told my current girlfriend how I felt and we're together now. We've adopted one of the local orphans; we get a fair few.

Things went well till Lord Morpheus was overtaken by another aspect of himself, Nyarlathotep. The result of that was that half the bar suffered horrible waking nightmares and a few of us went a little nuts.

*He scrubs a hand through his hair, and a few silver strands glint in the dim light of the bar.*

S'where I got these.

But otherwise, things are good here. Prett quiet lately. For a given definition.

"I worked as a waitress, lived with my father. Had a perfectly average, normal, boring life. Then I find a dog that could understand what I was saying, trolls trashed our Central Park apartment, a man tried to eat my grandma and claimed I smelled good and that eating me was "now out of the question." My dad ate amagic bean that gave him six wishes, enslaved our landlord's family to his will, got arrested for armed robbery, and then escaped. He wished he could understand the dog, and apparently it was a prince whose body had been switched with a golden retriver's. He was the grandson of Snow White."

She stook a deep breath. "We went through a portal that came out a mirror in a world where fairy tales are real, I was captured by trolls, rescued by Wolf--the man that tried to eat my grandma, who had read a lot of self-help books in an effort to win me over. I got addicted to a pair of magical shoes for a while, we got my dad out of jail--or really he got himself out and we just followed, and we spent the next few days hunting down the magic mirror, which involved my dad turning Wendell to gold, a gypsy cursing me with long hair, a magical love town, a horrible swamp, and me eventually having to poison the Evil Queen with the comb that nearly killed Snow White--following advice from Snow White. Who was dead."

She took another sip of her drink, and said shakily, "The evil queen was my insane mother, who had found her way to the Nine Kingdoms and been trained by the Evil Stepmother that poisoned Snow White."

She added, "And I fell for Wolf--the man who tried to eat my grandma--and I'm pregnant with his baby. Which, ironically enough, is probably the best bargain I got out of the whole deal. And then I spent a month at home, with Wolf gone, not even sure if it all really happened, and now I'm here."

She paused, and then asked, "Do I win? Or are we even? The sex demon thing, that's pretty crazy, though. That and Cthulhu mythos-induced madness thing. That might put you across the finish line before me, I have to admit."

It was very nice to get it all out to someone who won't slap her in a straight jacket and inject her with tranquilizers for it.

*Bernard just stares for a second, lost in thought.

Then he shrugs*

We're even, I think.

So, are you Bound? S'not a bad place to have kids. We've had two births here so far, and they both went okay as far as I can tell.

Except for that weird earthquake when Seth was born. But I think that was a coincidence.

"Yeah, I am. And I've heard that it's not so bad a place--it's just...I wished my whole life for something amazing to happen to me, and it did, and now..." she said wistfully, "now all I want is to have a nice, normal life where trolls don't wreck your house and dogs don't talk, and I just...want something familiar."

She shrugged. "Maybe this place will become like that--I hoep for Wolf's sake it does--he has his heart set on living here already. And he has some good reasons for it too--there aren't many places that would be accepting of him and the baby."

Well, I know of a few werewolves here, so he'll fit right in. And Snow and Bigby's daughter Millie is part wolf.

*A grin*

As for normal... Well. Don't hold your breath. But you get used to it, and it's home to many. It's not just a bar, really.

She bit her lip thoughtfully.

"I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I could leave. I don't have much family or many friends, but I want to at least be able to see my dad. He's still back in the Fourth Kingdom--Wendell's, trying to jumpstart an industrial revolution all on his own."

*His eyebrow flies up*

Well.

That's quite a job.

*After a moment, the peprpetual mischievous grin returns*

Maybe he'll walk into a pub for a drink and end up here. Stranger things have happened.

"Well, Wolf came here, and then I did, so I guess it's possible." She bit her lip again. "Do you know of any doctors I could talk to? Preferably modern ones? I still need to one about the baby."

*He nods*

We're actually in the process of making a workable contact list of healers and doctors; we have quite a few.

I can get a message to Simon Tam, if you want. He's probably the best we have, even though he's not Bound or anything.

"I'd really appreciate it if you could. I don't really know if this'll be different from a normal pregnancy or not, since the baby's quarter-wolf and all," she said. "If I'm going to be craving raw sheep or something, I'd like to possibly know ahead of time."

*He snickers*

Well, I don't know if Simon could help you with that aspect. He's not particularly inclined to believe in the supernatural.

Have you talked to Snow? Our Snow, I mean?

Virginia nodded. "I think I need to really sit down and talk to her more though." She looked around. "Actually, I'm going to see if she's here. Thanks for everything. It was nice meeting you , Bernard." She stood and looked around the room.

Good to meet you too. Bring Wolf by sometime. I'd like to meet him, as well.

Shr grinned. "You'll probably see him soon, especially if I'm here," she said. "He's like a second head sometimes--in the most endearing way possible." She meant it, too. "I'll see you around."

*He snickers*

Wonder if Nymphadora feels the same way about me most days.

See you.

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OMG BARTENDING POST BLING BLING :O

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