milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Virginia was humming slightly to herself, and looking through her wedding magazines. She looked up every so often to make sure that no one was coming after her.

She didn't care what Wolf said. She wasn't going to be paranoid. She wasn't going to hide. She was going to live her life, deranged weirdos or not.

She was, however, going to be careful, and aware of her surroundings.

Which, honestly, wasn't much different from what a single woman had to do in New York, biking to and from work alone and all.

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"Ow!" He flopped out from the other side of the table.

"It means I was joking! Blimey! People can't take a bloody joke." He added, "And the crab bit was all true!"

Virginia picked up the book and looked then winced sympathetically. "ooooOOOOOOH, he isn't lying about that part." She held it up for Xander to see.

Xander grabs the book and reads, a look of disbelief growing on his face.

"Oh, HELL no!" he declares. "I'm not gonna base my view on my own sexuality on some crab! No matter HOW good its shoes were." His face falls.

"

Ron shrugged helplessly. "Xander, you're asking a bloke who's been on one--" He held up a finger. "--date his whole bloody life! I have no clue. All I know is that while I might've thought different a while ago, it doesn't really matter, and if you don't interior decorate now, I reckon you're not about to just go an pick it up all of a sudden if you are."

Virginia put both hands on Xander's shoulders and pushed him into a chair.

"Okay, why d'you think you're gay and why are you so upset about it?" she asked.

Xander suspects that he now knows what the Spanish Inquistion is like.

"Uh, I don't know!" he says, panicking. He glances over at Ron, wild-eyed. "I kissed a guy, but it was just once! And I guess I always thought that Spike was kinda hot in his leather jacket-- WHOA! DOWN, inner monologue!" He looks at Virginia beseechingly. "Hey, hey, I know it's no big deal. Really! I just ... never thought it'd be me, and suddenly it's like the whole UNIVERSE is going: Xander Harris, you're GAY."

"...Maybe you're bi?" Virginia suggested helpfully.

Xander nods. "Well, YEAH. But I mean, the 'girls' part has always been in the equation. This ... is new. I suspect foul play." He glares meaningfully at the Bar.

"Or maybe you just care enough about certain guys to be attracted to them?" she also suggested. "And it's not really a big deal, and you're not going to go around flicking your wrists and picking out curtains because those are blatant stereotypes? You'll just be Xander. Who likes the occasional dude enough to not care he's a dude."

Xander nods, looking unhappy.

"Yeah-- I mean, yeah, that makes sense. But there's a thing-- I dunno, a stereotype? I don't wanna be that. And I know I don't HAVE to be, but, you know ... argh, okay, not getting my lucid on."

"Just...stop worrying? Go out and be attracted to whoever you're attracted to? " she said, "Boy or girl. Or both at once. Whatever float your boat. It really does not matter."

Xander scowls.

"Gee, thanks," he says sarcastically. "I never knew it could be so easy. And for my next trick ... world peace!"

But then he is sorry.

"Okay," he says, "okay. Right, I get it. It's just WEIRD. Did I mention that? This is ... gonna take some getting used to."

"Yeah it will, doesn't mean it's the end of the world though," Virginia said, tilting her head at him. Yes, at him. "You don't have to be so cranky about it. And a lot worse things could happen. You aren't cursed by gypsies for instance."

"Not at the moment," Xander corrects her. "And okay, admittedly the gypsies usually curse dead guys of my acquaintance, but you never know."

"Try being cursed with long hair. And then carrying fifty pounds of it while running for your life. See?" She patted him on the shoulder. "Could be much worse."

"Superhero gay..." came a not-so-subtle whisper.

Xander lobs the dream book at Ron.

"Try the curse of the freaking huge hardcover book!"

Ron caught it with an "oof!" that nearly knocked him over.

She let go of Xander. "It was nice actually being able to talk to you without being interrupted by beer bottles this time, and it was nice to meet you, you little punk!" she shot, laughingly at Ron. She nodded towards him, and said to Xander. "I have to go find my fiance. Get'im. Little punk deserves it."

The she shook her head and laughed at the two of them and walked off.

Xander waves cheerily at Virginia before turning on Ron.

"Ron ..." he says dangerously. "There are some things that we tell the world, and there are some things that are PRIVATE. Am I making sense to you?"

"You're more uptight than McGonagall, mate," Ron informed him sadly, shaking his head.

Xander rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, I don't know what it could be about coming out that gets me so STRESSED. You know, I'm going upstairs before you can out me to anybody else I don't really know."

Ron frowned at him. "I was just kidding! Bloody hell, you're so cranky. It's not such a big bloody deal! And she's the almost-wife of a good friend of mine, and she helped you, didn't she?"

With that, he stomped off, before Xander could yell at him more.

"Hey, that time I was kidding!" Xander yells after him. But it's no use. Sighing, he crawls under the table and picks up the dream book.

"Dreaming of Legumes ... okay, this is fucked up."

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