milliways_bar | (no subject)

He takes it in with a quick glance, but grins anyways and with a qucik stride throws his arms round her shoulders.

"Good to see you, Aeryn. It's been too long."

Random is one of the few people in the bar who she wouldn't shoot for hugging her. Ignoring the obvious lack of a pulse pistol.

"How have you been?" Her voice was even, but inside she was leaping with joy.

"Well. Everything went as close to perfect as can be hoped."

He pulls back, and guides her to a bar stool.

"We need to get you something to eat. Share my Benedict?"

She followed, grinning all the while.

"I have no idea what it is, but gladly. I've had a hellish day."

"Tell me."

He settles onto the seat next to her, and orders another plate, and another set of cutlery. He cuts off half the food and slides it over to her.

"What went wrong?"

She accepted the food gratefully, but is still rather reluctant to tell. She didn't want to ruin the Amberite's holiday glow.

"I slapped him."

A small snort.

"As a man, if my partner slapped me, it'd tell me I was being an idiot. So long as you truly believe he deserved it, then I wouldn't shed any tears over it. What did you slap him for?"

He takes a bite of the egg.

"I was sick of him taking me for granted."

The hands holding the cutlery had begun to shake slightly and she quickly used the implements to disguise it.

"He was always shutting me out. Sometimes I wonder if he just wanted to bed me and be done with it."

She shook her head, sighing loudly.

"But that's just the bitter part of me that says that. He didn't really deserve it, he's been going through a rough time."

And now you've lost him.

"What do you mean 'taking you for granted'?"

He sets down his own cutlery.

"What gave you that impression?"

She shook her head.

"He listens only when he feels like it. He mocks me when I am serious and is serious when I mock him."

She ate some more of the meal, smiling gratefully.

"He refuses to confide in me, even while asking me to trust him."

He sighs, and sets his hand on his chin.

"Aeryn, I have to tell you, this man sounds a lot like me."

He sighs.

"When you're betrayed by enough people, it becomse physically painful to trust again. I think that although you're very right to be hurt by his actions, you need to understand that you're not the cause of them. That there's something deeper going on."

"Every time I try to apologise to him, I end up fighting with him again."

She finished her meal and placed the cutlery crosswise on the plate.

"I feel like I could scream at him and he wouldn't even notice me. Is it wrong that I want him to notice me."

Random was the only one she didn't feel stupid telling this to. Claire had her own problems.

"It's perfectly natural that you want to be noticed."

He thinks for a moment.

"Have you considered merely sitting with him? I know when I find things overwhelming, a silent companion with whom I can simply breathe is always appreciated."

"I guess I haven't been the best to him either..."

She said, thinking of how she was always trying to get him to do things, instead of letting him just sit.

"But sometimes it bothers me how he can be so laid back. I wonder if he even cares at all. I think if I did not go to him and apologise, he wouldn't bother to come see me."

"I think he might be afraid."

He winces.

"It's not an easy thing, when you know you're wrong, to apologize. And he undoubtedly knows why you reacted the way you did. Any intelligent being would."

"Sometimes I doubt his intelligence, though not as much as his sanity."

She reflected with a wry grin.

"He wasn't in the wrong this time though. It's like I store up all this anger and then I get angry with him for no reason."

She clasped her hands together, white-knuckled and strained.

"That's why I don't plan to see him again."

Narrowed eyes.

"Aeryn Sun, do not be ridiculous."

He cocks his head.

"This relationship obviously means something to you. You will not let it drop at the first sign of difficulties. You will not assume he is too weak to deal with your temperment. You are not to assume that you're the person to decide if your reactions were too much."

A chastizing frown.

"You're no coward. There's work that needs to be done here, yes. But I don't think I know anyone stronger than you, nor anyone more capable of doing it."

"I'm not being ridiculous. I gave my child away because I was not the best thing for it. Why not give Atton up too?"

If it was up to her she would be completely alone. Or at least that was what her selfish, hardened heart told her.

She had been listening to all those people who chastised her and her self-confidence had never been so battered.

"Atton is the one who decides what's best for him."

He frowns at her.

"How would you react if I told you that people wanted to kill me, and so I was no longer going to speak to you because I decided that it made you 'unsafe'?"

"I would tell you that I was perfectly capable of looking after my..."

She paused, Random was annoyingly tricksy at times.

"Thank you. No-one else can make me see how much I've misjudged without making me feel like a failure."

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek before sitting back and smiling.

"You are a good friend."

He leans back in his seat and smiles, looking relieved.

"I'm very glad I could help. He makes you happy. That's good."

And yes, it is that simple. Why do you ask?

"Sometimes I'm not so sure."

She pushed her hair back, glad that he didn't comment on the gown or her shoeless state.

"But I'll work at it, like you said. I am strong."

"You are."

He smiles.

"Take what life gives you, and make do with it. I'm happy, and look at my situation."

"I try to be happy. But it doesn't come as easy to me."

She smiled indulgently.

"I'm a very serious person, you know?"

"I know."

He grins.

"I'll try to cure you of it."

(no subject)

just-a-soldier.livejournal.com - 2005-08-18 02:12 (UTC) - Expand