milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Lilly is in the bar with coffee and a sheet of paper, on which she is making semi-frantic notes about what to get everyone for Christmas. There are a lot of people on this list, and not a lot of time. Hence the frantic.

This was easier when she was a ghost. Intangibility is the best 'couldn't go shopping' excuse ever.

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"It mostly missed," Lilly protests.

"And the bits of me it didn't miss Moiraine could heal because that was after the Blue Flames of Death."

Wash just buries his face in his hands.

Muffled, "I should just go crazy. It'd be fun. Also: easier. Aiya."

"Actually the crazy is not so much fun, as we both know."

Lilly pats the top of his head reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Wash. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have until it all starts making sense."

Still covering his face with one hand, he raises the other, making a 'rewind' motion.

"Start with this crystal thing. And how you can start a war with it. Besides beaning a top political official in the eye with it or something."

"You can't start a war with the crystal," Lilly explains further. "But it would be really useful to have in a war."

"It was supposed to let you talk to dead people but instead makes you like, psychic or something for five minutes before it kills you. The psychic bit actually works, as I know from experience."

Wash cringes and looks up.

"Come to command the armies of the dead, stay for the death by mindreading. Nice," he says, faintly. "Maybe you should keep adding that 'but I'm okay now!' qualifier onto the end of every single sentence you say from here on out. It'll make me feel better."

"I can do that," Lilly promises, before hastily adding "But I'm okay now!"

"Anyway, I wasn't holding it for five minutes. Not even close, just long enough to walk through the fire again."

There's a brief pause.

"But I'm okay now!"

"See? Better levels going up already."

He's even smiling a little.

"Was there any part of the adventure that involved fun things, like a lack of getting shot and scary inanimate objects turning into scarier animate ones?"

"Totally," Lilly assures him.

"I got to dress up '30's style, nearly got to teach little Egyptian kids about ducky vibrators, and get a tan."

"Ah." Blandly. "Of course. Why haven't I added that to my list of life goals yet? Every ancient child needs to know about sex toys."

"Indy brought it up," Lilly says, mostly untruthfully.

"But yeah, that part was cool. Also I really did like the massive bad-guy thwarting, despite the painful side-effects."

With a wry smile, "Yeah, it does get kind of fun if you do it too much. I've been thinking I should try to limit my intake of bad-guy thwartage this year. Maybe it'll even actually work."

Lilly arches an eyebrow.

"Are you still going to hang out at Milliways? Because then maybe not so much."

"What did I say about shattering my precious illusions, Lilly?"

Reproachful.

"That I should do more of it because you want to become totally disillusioned, wear black a lot, and smoke clove cigarettes while discussing the sorry state of the multiverses?" Lilly guesses, smirking.

"Exactly. Except for where you take that and do the complete opposite."

He's looking down at his clothes in some kind of dawning horror as he imagines them in all black.

Lilly starts to giggle.

"All in black, bitching about the world, pregnant wife... dude. You'd totally be Bernard."

The horror promptly skids into a 'lightbulb!' moment.

And a smirk.

"And that means I'd get to rule over the whole bar. I was thinking I'd have to wait for the cannons and elephant hordes to arrive before I had any chance of a takeover, but this...this is genius."

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