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What? Did you think this wouldn't touch the animal patrons as well?

Looks like human[oid] females aren't the only ones cycling in the bar this month.

There's a large, cougar-like cat roaming between the tables, yowling, screaming and, every now and then, will roll about on the floor the way you've seen housecats do.

It would appear that being around a large number of hormonal women has caused Tasha to come into heat. Or rather, the scent of dozens of women going through their monthly cycles has caused her to come into heat. Or maybe it's empathy that's led her to this state.

Then again it could just be a funny case of coincidence that Ian's lir is in estrus and acting very friendly to everyone, rubbing against them and purring loud enough to pass for a car engine.

Either way, there's a cat who's perhaps the only one enjoying this time of the month - much to Ian's chagrin.

[This post weirds me out in all sorts of ways and that's why I have to write it.

Stupid muses...]

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Zuko smirks at her -- she's happy. And cuddly. And he doesn't mind because he's feeling terribly good himself.

And his hands are very warm; something about those hotblooded Firebenders make them warmer then most. Makes for great massage. Or petting, take your pick.

And up goes the back end, tail ram-rod straight, front paws kneading the ground.

Paws that are slowly making their way over towards Zuko's feet.

Paws that are big, with big attachments too.

If you're not wearing steel toes now is the time to put them on.

Zuko, like anyone from his people, has heavy leather boots on.

And they are getting tucked under his chair.

"Oh, no. I like having toes. Look at those paws. You'd take my feet apart." But she looks so HAPPY And look at her wriggle! So he teases one ear and grins at her. "Wish I was that happy."

... well, if he honestly knew the cause, he might not.

"Oh but Tasha is uninclined to harm someone - unless they be enemy," Ian says in an exasperated tone. He's been trying to follow the mountain cat but she's better at hide-and-seek than he is.

"And I assure you that she's not normally like this when in season."

Must be the bar.

Must be the intoxicating scent so much like earth and blood and rutting deer lir...

Zuko looks up at who he must assume is the cat's keeper. "Ah?"

... in season. Now he just blinks at Ian, and then at the cat, and ... laughs, abruptly. "Closest I've ever been to a date, and at least she likes me," says the maimed boy. ~~Apharsites!Zuko is totally not bleeding over, really~~

"She's alright. I can't exactly give her what she wants, though. Best find her a nice tomcat... one her size, anyway."

Strangely Ian colours, turning his dark skin even darker.

"The only tomcat her size would be me. But not in this form..."

Embarrassment is coming off him like radioactivity streaming out from Chernobyl's sarcophagus.

Why? Because it's canon that there are rumours flying about the Cheysuli and just what they have to do to shift their shapes.

Like lying down with animals as opposed to women for starters...

Zuko has to do some mental math there. And then his brain has to jump a few hoops.

And then he just says, "Oh."

Not his business. Nope. Blushing virgin here.

"I assure you none of it is true," he says, trying to recover from the embarrassment.

"While a Cheysuli warrior is able to trade his human form for another, more beast-like shape, it does not involve affairs with animals."

Yeah that totally came out of left field, that one...

Zuko has his hands up. "I didn't-- that's-- no. IT's alright."

He doesn't need to hear anymore! Really!

He's going to burst a vessal, blushing like that. He's never had sex with a human woman, and now you're talking about sex with beasts!

Oh great. They've both gone nearly catatonic from embarrassment-induced shock.

"I am sorry. It must be Tasha's state that made me say what I did. I apologise; both for her and for me."

Zuko's been rendered mute.

He nods.

And is still purple in the face.

Can he die now?

He can, but it won't be peaceful, and this is something that's likely to follow you into your next life.

With a silent command he calls off Tasha, or rather, convinces her to rest somewhere that doesn't involve any more people.

Because Ian is just one man.

"Do you drink? If so then perhaps I could have the service here bring us some liquor?"

Zuko blinks back to reality, and then shakes his head. "No," he says. "I'm afraid I can't indulge. Doesn't mix with with my-- hot blood."

The same thing that gives him those warm lovely hands that Tasha loved ... well, they make it hard to drink.

Ah well. Perhaps it is for the best.

"Then I shall have to drink alone, or do you mind that?"

As to Tasha, she's currently playing with a very large dust bunny.

Hey it keeps her occupied and away from the other patrons.

Pfft. Zuko didn't mind being her personal heatmassager... so long as he kept her front end, thanks.

"I don't," Zuko says. "It's alright. I have tea."

And that's the thing about cats. You want the front end? They give you the back end and act like it's a compliment to have their ass in your face too.

"Good," he says as a rat comes scurrying over, careful to avoid the large cat who's still playing with the dust bunny. "Because I believe, after this night, I may need a good deal of liquor in order to cope with Tasha's excessive friendliness towards others."

"Can you--" he thinks on this, still red-faced. "Can you take her to the world beyond the door and let her... find a friend?" Would that work? You know, take her out, get her laid, yadda yadda...

"You mean a mate?" He looks down at Tasha, who has given up on the dust bunny and is now reaching up to rub her cheek against Ian's.

"Lir off me please?" he grumbles in the Old Tongue. "I am in danger of falling over and having my head smashed like a glass egg."

She doesn't listen; she just turns up the purr-o-meter.

"I could do that, but I have not seen a door since I arrived here. Or taking her back to Homana to find one of her own kind to serve as her companion would not be so difficult."

Having no idea what Ian just said, Zuko shrugs. "The door went away for me, too," he says. "I hope-- to go home eventually." HE HAS A MISSION TO COMPLETE. And, also, he wants to go home.

But, that idea is shot.

"And you probably can't restrict her, can you?" KEep her to a single room, a private place...

And since he won't mate with her himself... well...

"Guess you're out of luck."

"I believe," he grunts, trying to pry Tasha off of his body before she crushes him, "That this tavern supplies roomes for patrons in need?"

Tasha OFF! he says silently to the cat.

"If so, I would be most grateful to be given one, if only to protect people like you from a cat who has forgotten her size."

Zuko rises, and then reaches out to try and help. C'mere, lady, he'll pet you again with the warm hands if you don't MAUL him...

"Yes-- Ah, I believe you just ask bar for a room and a key. Someone else got me my room, so I don't know the speciifcs..."

Of course, she'll just roll around and yowl in there, but at least no one will be squished.

They'll just lose a night's worth of sleep, that's all. Something which is easily made up in Millitime.

Oh kind man with warm hands...

"And there is someone there who will give me the means to access a room for Tasha?"

Oh leijhana-tu'sai* for this...

"Where is this bar then?"

*That's "thank you" in Ian's language. ^^

Zuko pets the niiiiice big kitty, and strokes her sides. There, there, you poor horny thing, Zuko -- has no idea what it's like, but he sure it must be TORTURE to be so happy and randy.

"Right over here," Zuko says with a jerk of his head in the direction of the Bar. "Just tell it what you need."

She'll get over it though. Heat cycles may be a bitch and a half but they don't last forever.

"That is the bar?" he asks. "I see no one in attendance." He thinks a moment. "Perhaps they have simply gone into the backroom to fetch something from their stores?"

"Uh. The Bar's-- special. Speak to it." Zuko grins, and then says, "I know it sounds insane, but it works."