(no subject)

[tibetanmethod]

[Out of Milliways, and into Twin Peaks: Dale Cooper isn't above a little minor subterfuge. And neither is Audrey Horne.]

Cooper sticks his head into the bar, and follows it. There's a copy of the Twin Peaks Gazette under his arm.

When he settles at the bar and unfolds it, the lead story is about a -- get this -- campaign rally. For Jerry Horne. In the sheriff's campaign.

Apparently Jerry Horne is making campaign promises. One of them -- so the headline screams -- is A FISH IN EVERY PERCOLATOR.

Something that Special Agent Dale Cooper, FBI, is wondering --

How in god's name is an abomination like that an incentive to vote for Jerry Horne?

Comments

[mnt_mike]

"Pie?"

[tibetanmethod]

"...please tell me that's an offer." Cooper looks up.

This is a look of desperation, here.

[mnt_mike]

"Oh no no no. Just introducing myself. Name's Eugenia Pie. Pleased to meet you."

There is no way on Glod's green Earth that anyone with that sort of smile on their face is anything but kidding.

[tibetanmethod]

See, though, Cooper has this tendency to take people at their word.

He blinks. "That's a very interesting name -- is it a family name?"

Maybe his family has connections with the British royal family...?

[mnt_mike]

The tell-tale Wow am I lying smile begins to fall, and not in a graceful manner either. Tht's hardly fair...he was the one putting someone on. Someone's not allowed to try and put him on, that's not how this works!

"Oh yes. Goes back centuries. My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great Grand Daddy was the Duke of Rhubarb."

Of course you know, this means WAR.

[tibetanmethod]

FIRE CANNONS! Only Cooper is...unarmed.

"Apparently my geography isn't as good as it should be," Cooper says, apologetically. "Where's that?"

Forget that his father made maps for a living.

[mnt_mike]

"Second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning."

Mike nods in the direction of the observation window.

[tibetanmethod]

Cooper turns, and eyes it.

Carefully.

"Second star to the right of what? I'm afraid I can't make it out."

[mnt_mike]

"The right...of uh...RIGHT!"

He says, but he doesn't point. No, because the moment the man turns away Mike begins wildly gesturing to the wait rats in the kitchen.

PIE! Get the man some pie!

Three rats come barreling out of the kitchen, each with a different pie.
It's a Pie-nami!

[tibetanmethod]

When Cooper turns back around, he blinks.

Three pies.

He looks up at Eugenia.

"Mr. Pie. I see you have your namesake in triplicate."

...either he's too deadpan to live, or he's serious.

[mnt_mike]

The rats do their best to make their little black soulless eyes appear sheepish.

"Oh these? These are my official courtiers. Yeah, they um..they follow me around with a train of tasty treats so that no one may ever question my right of...pieness?"

[tibetanmethod]

"I'm guessing you're not from Earth?"

No culture he's ever heard of has a Duke of Rhubarb. Or pie.

And...Milliways. It's entirely possible.

...Cooper entertains a brief fantasy of attaching himself to the office-holder in a professional manner. Especially if free pie is involved.

[mnt_mike]

"Uhh...D'Hoonib. Great place, lots of aliens with brain faces, and Quik-Grow Pills."

Oh man, that commercial was right. Telling one lie does lead to another, so then you tell a lie to cover the other. Damn those Latter Day Saints and their catchy morality-laden commercial spots!

[mogget_cat]

*He had just been walking by, on his way to get supper from Bar, even. The headline is hard to not notice.*

*idly* I'd vote for him.

[tibetanmethod]

Uh, says Cooper's face.

"On those grounds alone?"

[mogget_cat]

*Yrael shrugs, looking over towards Bar and wondering if he should have his salmon grilled or fresh, tonight.* Why not? I would vote, and if he won I would start collecting percolators, and then make sure he kept his promise.

[tibetanmethod]

"Have you ever had coffee brewed with a fish?"

[mogget_cat]

Not yet. But who said I would be putting coffee in there with the fish? *Yrael grins.* The promise did not say A FISH IN EVERY PERCOLATOR, WITH YOUR COFFEE. I shall keep my percolators empty.

I do not drink coffee that often, anyway.

[tibetanmethod]

Well. It's official. Yrael would not fit in well in Twin Peaks.

We here at home are sure that Yrael is heartbroken.

"Couldn't you just have the fish without the percolators?"

[mogget_cat]

*He's lying about the coffee, anyway. He had a bet on with Meg for a long time about how she would never catch him drinking coffee. Since, he's always told others that he doesn't like coffee. He prefers tea. Er... sometimes his tea looks and smells a lot like coffee, yes. Ahem.*

Yes, but normally I do not find people gauranteeing me fish. If the percolators are necessary, I will get them so I might receive free fish.

[tibetanmethod]

"Perhaps fortunately, under the laws of the State of Washington, you can't vote for Mr. Horne." Just a little dry.

[mogget_cat]

*He tilts his head, sitting on the barstool next to Cooper.*

What would I need to be able to vote?

[tibetanmethod]

"Residency. And to register."

The only elections Cooper has missed are those held while he was out of the country. And even then he managed to get absentee ballots for a few of them.

[mogget_cat]

How does one prove residency? *Registering would be no problem... perhaps. Of course, getting to Twin Peaks would be the main trouble.*

[tibetanmethod]

"Documentation of various sorts." Cooper eyes him. "You're not thinking about moving to Twin Peaks?"