milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Serenity's got about another 32 hours before they hit Ezra.

The waiting before a job is usually the worst part, and today Mal is feeling it more so than others. He's checking in with the bar when he receives an eyepatch and a watergun the likes of which he hasn't seen since that ridiculous Assassin game in April.

There's a smirk when he shoves the eyepatch into his pocket, hopping behind the bar and scrawling out a sign before asking Bar for a 3' by 5' cloth.

Mal walks out the door to the lake, damn near whistling.

[ooc: I'm on gchat for any coordinating that might want to happen. Uh. It's not a huge boat, but it'll do. I'll put up an organizing post somewhere if this gets people involved.

ETA: This thread is for any arrivals if you are participating in shenanigans.

ETA AGAIN: OOC COMMUNICATIONS.

And it continues: The Battle Thread. Onlookers welcome.

And food for the spectators. And the winner, obviously.]

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"Dude, you NARC'd yourself?"

Mike gives him a slow pitying head shake of disappointment. Right before he sticks two fingers in his mouth and whistles....loud.

So loud that one might expect a Yellow Cab to show up out of no where.
Instead what arrives is bouncing grey blur of a tiny elephant no bigger than a house cat.

"My door usually opens to where I work," Ianto says, "and he, uh, caught me. Made me stay the night so I wouldn't hurt myself."

Ianto does not squee at the sight of the miniphant as he is not a teenaged girl.

But he does smile a lot more widely than he has been earlier and say, "Good lord, look at that."

"Man if I'd have known that I totally wouldn't have let you go home! You'd have been like, sacked out on my couch with a pint of Hagen Das until your eyes cleared up.

I hope we have both learned a very valuable lesson."

He turns to the miniphant, who has yet to stop moving. Her tail is still a blur and her bottom moves with a puppy's exuberance.

"Have you learned a valuable lesson, Stampy?"

She trumpets loudly with her bicycle horn-sounding call.

"Hullo, Stampy," Ianto says and holds out his hand, palm-up, like he's meeting an unfamiliar dog.

"It could have been worse--Jack's management style is . . . let's call it 'unconventional.'"

"Spankings?"

Asks Mike with as much innocence as he can muster.
Which, admittedly, isn't a whole lot.

Stampy snuffles her way over towards Ianto before trumpeting her own greeting.

"And then the oral sex," Ianto says, straight-faced, and gently scratches the miniphant's bristly head.

"And you say you're unsure of whether or not he wants to sleep with you?"

Ianto has food.
Stampy likes food.
It doesn't matter that it's food Stampy doesn't actually have any interest in eating.

"That's a joke, Mike.

"Can she have--well, any of this?"

"I totally knew that."

Says the guy who totally didn't.

"Um....probably not? That much butter'd likely make her heart explode. Probably make your heart explode too, now that I think on it. Anyway, chances are good she just wants to smell it so she can decide for herself that she doesn't want it. Stampy! Stand down!"

Stampy totally doesn't get that either.

"Monty Python's Holy Grain--the castle Anthrax with the Grail-shaped beacon. You have to have seen that."

He snorts a little. "My heart would have exploded from all the coffee if it were going to explode." He offers a lime wedge to Stampy, which is much more her speed, he hopes.

Stampy snuffles a bit too closely to the lime and gets a trunk full of citrus.

Ever seen a mini-phant sneeze?
Now's your chance.

Mike's eyes light up with recognition.

"OH! DUDE! How could I have missed that? Oh wait, no I know how. I'm stuck in a place where no one ever gets my references. That's how.

Odaiji ni."

He adds after Stampy's sneeze.

"All right, no lime," Ianto says, and puts the sneezed-upon citrus in the little pile of crabs' legs and mussel shells at his side.

"How obscure are your references? Because I've always thought Monty Python is one of those 'everybody knows it' things."

"Apparently very. Though it's kind of to be expected, I mean you don't get more underground than me and my family."

Ahh sewer humor. It never gets old.

"Such as? Just tell me something random."

"This is my boom stick?"

Says Mike brandishing a crab leg.

"Evil Dead Two," Ianto says, resting his chin on his hand.

Ooookay.
Mike ponders for a moment.

"You get what everyone gets: A lifetime."

Ianto thinks, then shakes his head. "Nope, don't know that one. I want to say What Dreams May Come but I think that's more mood than actual quotation."

"That's from a comi...it's something a patron used to say. Have you had the chance to meet Death?"

Stampy has decided that regrouping is in order when it comes to food that fights back, so she's sulking over near daddy's palm tree.

"No."

He cracks open a crab leg. "Bloke I used to go out with dated her, though."

Mike blinks.

"You went out with John Constantine?"

Because seriously, Death has dated two people and there's no way in the multiverse that Ianto went out with Raph.

"Until about two days ago, yup."

Mike boggles.

"How the hell did I miss something like that?"

He then shakes his head.

"Nevermind, don't answer that. Instead answer me this, what happened?"

Because...dude. JOHN CONSTANTINE.

Ianto, whose facial expressions tend to vary from "placid" to "neutral," looks embarrassed.

"I'm not in love with him so he decided to end it."

John Constantine.
Ended a relationship because someone didn't love him.
That...that doesn't compute.
Probably because the idea of Constantine being in a relationship at all doesn't compute. Who cares what the answer of B + D equals is if in order to get to B you have to divide zero first.

"Dude. Dude that's like...dude. Do you want like...a hug?"

Edited 2008-09-22 22:28 (UTC)

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