milliways_bar | (no subject)

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ace (pyro)

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Billy is curled in his usual spot by the fire -- he's been here long enough to have a usual spot -- and brooding over physics. Well, looking frustrated over physics and brooding between problems. He's a good multitasker.

Except apparently not, because sometime around problem thirty he chunks the book down with a clatter and makes a loud, frustrated noise. "I'm never going to use this anyway!"

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Billy scootches obediently. As Teddy's shifting he notices the sticker and raises an eyebrow. "--What's that?"

"It's for National Coming Out Day. Not like I wasn't out already, but it's true, and it's a rainbow sticker," he explains as he sits behind Billy and works on the knots in his neck. "The guy there said to send you over sometime."

Billy waves a hand. "I don't need a sticker. I've never been in the closet in my life." Billy leans into the massage. "I dunno, I kind of think the whole thing is a little lame."

"But I liked the sticker," Teddy says in a sadvoice as he rubs harder. "People put me in closets. I was never there myself. And some people don't have the luxuries we have. Like in the South? I've heard gay kids get beaten, or worse. It's a big deal for some people, I guess. It's cheapening it a little by bringing it to Milliways, but I dunno."

"It's a nice sticker," Billy allows, because clearly they are six. "I guess I know that. But I dunno. It's Milliways, right? What's the point?"

"I thought so," Teddy says, leaning over to kiss him on the ear. "Yeah. I thought you were objecting to there being a day in general, but I guess if you're not already out, you're definitely not going to come out on the worst possible day already. Rock and a hard place kinda."

"No, I mean, a day is fine. Like Pride. Pride is fun." He's distracted now. "We should go next year."

If, you know, their world is done being full of fail by then.

"We should. I've been a couple times, actually. But going together would be great." He shifts Billy a little so he can get at Billy's upper back and shoulder blades.

"Yeah. It would be." Billy makes a contented noise. "If you know, our world wasn't so full of crap right now."

"Yeah, I know. Fucking Tony Stark."

He's pondering telling Billy about Xaldin. Ponder, ponder. Eh, there was really no question.

"I spoke with Xaldin today."

Billy doesn't like that tone. "--yeah? About what?"

"'Bout helping him. In some way. For everything that he and Larxene have done. The girls. And stuff. We figured out something--an arrangement. I swear, talking to him is like talking to the bastard lovechild of Jareth and Mr. Spock."

Ignoring the really, really strange simile, Billy freezes at the world 'arrangement.' And all the tension in his back returns. "You--what?"

"I'm going to help them, pending itemized list, after they get their hearts back," Teddy replies with a wince.

"--okay now you've completely lost me." Billy runs a hand through his hair. "I -- they're dangerous, Teddy. I want to help them, yeah, but I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know," Teddy says, wrapping an arm around Billy. "And that's why I didn't offer anything more, while they're still Nobodies. If I did, it would hurt both you and me, and that wouldn't be good. So, eventually... I said I would help as much as I could after they get their hearts back. Xaldin basically wouldn't me, or talked me down from, he's fucking confusing, give an open-ended offer even for after they get hearts."

"That's because Xaldin is one of the most not completely crazy among them. Or, well, crazy in different ways. For people without emotions they're a little short on the logic." Billy curls into Teddy's side. "He--he told me once that the others wouldn't have asked, or stopped. They would have just taken."

"Oh. I--I didn't know. I'm sorry." He pulls Billy closer, feeling horrible about how wrong it could've gone. "I just keep fucking things up with them, saying wrong things, trying to understand and failing. And Larxene's done a lot for me, you know? I just want to help, but I can't. Not without ending up a gibbering, crazy pile of goo or hurt, neither of which is good to anyone, least of all you. I wouldn't care about myself. I mean, I do, I'm not suicidal, but... other people come first. You come first-est."

Billy kisses Teddy's hand. "It was my own fault. I'm an idiot. And you -- just have to take them how they are. Stop trying to understand or second guess. They can't feel, and we can't possibly know how that is. So I've stopped trying. You're so empathetic, I know that's hard for you."

"Yeah, it is hard. And you're not an idiot. Never, ever, ever say that because it's a lie. We all make mistakes. Or do things we regret. A lot of people can't say they did it out of the goodness of their own heart. But you did. I know you, Billy."

Billy crawls into Teddy's lap, because he can and it's warm. "Mm. I love you, Teddy."

Mm, there is a Billy in his lap. Teddy likes this plan.

He rests his hand on Billy's hair, and pets it out of habit. "I love you too, Billy." Still petting his hair, he bends his head down to give Billy a soft kiss on the lips.

Billy kisses back, equally soft.

He hates to bring it up, he really does, but-- "We've got to go back sometime, Ted."

"I know, Bill. I've been better; I've been sleeping, even. Regularly."

He sighs. "I guess I don't have any excuses, any more."

Billy tips Teddy's chin toward him, so he can look Teddy dead in the eye. "It's not excuses. Don't put yourself down like that. You were tortured and we needed time to recover from that. But I'm not sure it's ever going to be completely better and we can't stagnate here."

Billy sighs, pressing his face into Teddy's shoulder. "We do these things not because they are easy--" He quotes, quietly.