milliways_bar | (no subject)

(no subject)

Nick comes down from his room. He's cleaned up since...the last few days. He looks a little lost, but his clothing and hair and appearance is otherwise impecable. He nearly stumbles on the way to the bar, eyes staring at anything but the actual environment around him. He sits. He stares.

He orders some food and begins to sip.

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Nick laughs, and the laugh is very very bitter.

"Kitt...I've killed...thousands. Thousands of people are dead...because of me. Because I was hungry...or angry...or amused...or wanted something. There are...almost as many reasons as there are faces in my mind, souls on my conscious. But I haven't slipped...haven't slipped like this in...in so long."

"And I had never intentionally backed into anyone before. If I had used the turbine, he would be dead." But Kitt still shrugged. "And the past doesn't always apply. If it did, I wouldn't trust my brother."

Nick says nothing. He just sort of leans back into Kitt.

So Kitt goes quiet as well, holding on to him, asking nothing of him. Just being there. He seems to need that, and it's something Kitt can give.

"I'm still sorry about it, about making you talk about that sort of thing...I know it...isn't pleasant. You're not the only one with a perfect memory."

He leans. He's quiet. He breaths in Kitt and calms just a little.

"Meg's going to kill me."

"I won't let her," Kitt assures him. The memories don't matter to him - they're always there. They always will be. "I care for you. It's the least I can do."

And then Kitt pauses, trying to think of -- ah, but no. He couldn't bring up the sun. Even if, to him, it was a happy memory. To Nick, it might bring up worse ones.

Nick laughs almost absentmindedly.

"Kitt? Is it...odd that I sort of want to be a car right now?"

"You would have an advantage over me, if you were in your car form right now," Kitt quietly informed him. "You were still put into your CPU when... when the emotional response limiters were still in place. That, I hypothesize, is why you would want to be a car."

But still... "If you truly wanted to, I'm sure Michael would welcome you. We're in New Mexico."

Nick blinks.

"I have no idea what you just said, Kitt...but the reason being a car sounds rather...appealing right now is the idea of just driving around with the sun on me...without a care in the world."

He smiles tiredly at Kitt.

"I really...that time there...the sunrise and everything. Despite the trouble, it will remaine one of my happiest memories, Kitt. You're a good friend."

"So are you, Nick. It was... interesting to have another car there. And I enjoyed teaching you, though I'm afraid I didn't get much of a chance." But then, he gives a small smile as well. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm afraid that what happened afterward wasn't pleasant for either of us. But it's easy to remember that time without any regret."

For just a moment, he imagined himself, Nick, and Karr sitting at the end of Devon's runway, watching the sun come up. The image made him smile.

"Nick, do you promise to contact me if you need me?"

Nick looks down at the comlink as if it had appeared out of thin air...but he nods.

"Yes. If you'll do the same."

"You're the only one I know of here who could find me there. Of course I would call you." And then, he smiled a bit more. "I missed you."

"Sorry...I was..."

He looks rather sheepish.

"Out in the woods a few days, airing my...issues. There are...far fewer of those demonic bunnies at least."

"I was inside Karr, refusing contact with the world." Kitt shrugged faintly. "Neither of us were very happy Knights."

Nick cracks an actual grin on that one.

"I suppose not, Kitt."

He hugs him back, looking much better for all the trouble.

"Thanks...hey...you don't...mind me calling you my little brother, considering...Karr, do you?"

He really should meet Karr sometime.

"No, I don't mind," Kitt smiled - still a tentative little smile, but a smile all the same. He doesn't smile much, anyway. "I like having siblings. If only Michael, Bonnie, and Devon could get here, I would try to arrange a family portrait."

Nick's smile broadens.

"If you get them here...I would paint it for you, if you wanted."

"I would want you in it," Kitt amended for him. "The difficult part would be convincing Karr. He rather doesn't like Michael. Or Devon. And his opinion of Bonnie is... unknown."

That, Kitt pauses at.

"She and I aren't getting along very well right now."

Nick blinks.

"Oh...why?"

"I'll tell you later," Kitt promises with a little nod. "It's not very fair of me to talk about it too much until I've tried to put things back together. And... I've not. It has to do with my second reprogramming, though. I can tell you that much.

"I was very... unwell."

Nick nods.

"You know...if...you need someone to talk to...or help...or maybe pave the way..."

Nick sighs.

"Honestly, it won't bother me. I...feel better when I'm doing something, helping someone."

"Karr didn't write her out of my trust allowances. I did. The choice was mine."

And then he spoke as if Nick would understand. "...She didn't wake up for me. She didn't come back to herself. But when Michael spoke to her, she did. I... I trust her enough to allow her to upgrade me, and I do still care for her, but I can't fully trust her again yet."

Nick nods.

"I understand. I love LaCroix...but I don't think I'll ever fully trust him."

He says nothing about anyone else.

Kitt went quiet.

Conspicuously quiet.

And then he shrugged lightly once more. "I don't love anyone."

Nick snorts before looking up at Kitt.

"So you think."