milliways_bar | (no subject)

Lilly is on a mission from... well, herself. She is going to find out what the hell actually cursed Puck (this time) if it kills her because a) it can't kill her, she's already dead and b) she has a sneaking fondness for her faeke husband and genuinely wants to help.

However.

Because she is Lilly, her current attempt to help involves a stab at scientific research: recreating past bar "incidents" on a crowd of volunteer waitrats to see if there's any common thread around causes, cures, and accidental side-effects.

The table before her is spread with a variety of seemingly innocuous items: peppercorn and honey and gin, a bowl of steaming curry, band candy, a horn and some cherries and a paper umbrella, the Roman equivalent of a penny, mints, two kinds of apples, a soy latte, and a Mexican coke. (Hey, this is thirsty work.)

Approach at your own risk.

[OOC: not plot-locked but please ping me at 'da emmy gee' or comment on backroom post before tagging so we see what might happen to our poor pups. Accidentally, of course. :D).

ETA: ahahahah awesomeness! slowtiming for now but let's keep doing this you mad impetuous frogs, you.

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"Not an actual devil, at least!"

Lilly shoves some things around, gesturing at Tom to sit. In doing so, she manages to separate the mints from the rest of the totally well-organized experimental pile.

"The problem is, we're not entirely sure what the cause was. So it's extra-hard to figure out how to fix it!"

Tom sits down, sipping his scotch.

"Hmm. Was it a spell? If you know who did it, or at the very least, which magical system it was, I could help you track it back."

"Yeah."

Lilly sighs.

"Would you believe we don't really know who owned the statue that may have caused because they are sort of exploded now and also the statue is dust?"

"...Puck didn't explode them!"

"Explosions tend to get in the way of investigations, it's true."

He reaches over to examine a note, sliding his glass over to the side.

The side close to the separated mints...

Lilly picks up some papers to hand to Tom, so he can see how awesome she is at research.

Due to her carefully controlled experimental setup, the papers are now covered in the mints that just got pushed to the side. A few slide off.

One lands in Tom's scotch.

"See, here's where I started, with just the straight-up Bar pranks. Then later I combined them."

"That's- Actually, that's an excellent way to look for patterns. Well done, Lilly."

He reads and sips more scotch.

And then something happens. Something rather shocking. His suit no longer fits.

"What the-"

Annnnd his voice is much higher than it should be.

Edited 2012-09-03 04:25 (UTC)

"Oh no. No no no no no."

Door is going to open up hell and unleash it on her.

"How did you even get one? I've been so careful!" Sort of.

"Okay, don't panic. First of all, you're very pretty. Second of all, I think I know how to fix this. I have notes!"

"Bloody buggering

fuck

," he, er, squeals.

This is horrid. How does he have such bad luck? He just wanted a scotch and some conversation.

Wait.

"I'm very pretty?"

That's some consolation, at least.

"Totally doable," Lilly assures hi- her? Her, why not, she's got a great rack. "In a ladylike way!"

Because that'll probably be important to Tom.

"But uh, I'm assuming you don't want to stay this way?"

."

He looks down. Oh. He

does

have a nice rack. That's, er, discomfiting.

"Dear Lord, no. You said you have notes? You can change it?"

His voice is so high! Door is going to

kill

him.

"Yes!"

Lilly is really good at sounding more confident than she feels. Then she ruins it.

"Somewhere."

There is frantic rummaging. And the occasional surreptitious glance at the aforementioned rack.

He puts his head in his hands, racking his brain for any kind of spell that might reverse this quickly without anyone else finding out.

He most certainly does not feel himself up a moment later because, hello, rack! One does not have this opportunity every day, unless you hassle with Polyjuice potion.

"Lilly???? Please say you know what to do."

"Um."

The thing is, she does? But people might not like it. (People = Door.)

"So, good news. There's totally a cure. And, in what would be great news if you were single... it involves us making out."

For science.

"Making... out?"

Does it count as cheating if you're not in your regular body? Especially if it's to regain your body?

He's a fucking Slytherin. The end justifies the means.

"How much making out?"

"Enough?"

Lilly sighs.

"All I know is, I pop a mint, we kiss, we swap back. I'm not sure how long, how much tongue, any of that but I'm assuming it's about average?"

Depending on your definition of average, of course.

Fuck. On the one hand, kissing Lilly is not a hardship. On the other, well, KISSING Lilly.

It's for a cure. Door will have to forgive him.

"All right. Let's do it."

"Okay."

Lilly grabs a mint.

"As soon as this goes in my mouth, commence kissing. As soon as you feel like a man again, you can stop. Shouldn't be too hard, right?"

Hah. She said- never mind.

"Here goes!"

Yes, yes she did.

Lilly tastes delightfully minty. Tom would be a liar to admit the kiss wasn't pleasant, but it's only a kiss.

"I think that did it," he says a moment later, and he is no longer squeaky. Or female.

Ah, brilliant, his suit fits again.

"I would like everyone to note that my experiments have netted at least one positive result," Lilly announces... to the bar at large?

And completely neglects to mention how she also sort of caused the problem in this one.

"See, I'm totally awesome at this."

"You are, indeed, exceptional."

The sarcasm drips from his tongue. It's fond sarcasm! But, uh, yeah.

"Duh."

Lilly is only too willing to ignore the sarcasm and seize upon the essential truths below.

But she will also take the fondness.