milliways_bar | (no subject)

"Will loves horses." Carlotta says, nodding. "That's how we met - his family's stables are near the boarding school I went to. He can tame a wild beast to be soft as a kitten."

She hesitates and asks. "Would you be able to come and talk to him now please? The portal back is reliable."

"Ummm....," Malcolm thinks for a moment, obviously a little surprised by the request. But then, "Sure, I can do that."

He eyes the rest of his scotch and decides finishing it probably wouldn't be the best way to start a workday, so he asks Bar for a coffee to go, and then slides off his seat with a smile and coffee to go in hand.

"Lead the way."

"Thank you." Carlotta leads him towards the door.

"I'm sorry to be so much trouble." she says, embarrassed by his surprise, but leading him through.

It's a warm spring night, and as they step out between two caravans, there's the smell of a crackling bonfires. Someone seems to be cooking sausages on one of them. A ragged little girl of about four with bare feet skips past them.

"Hallo Ringmaster!"

Carlotta greets the little girl, then leads Malcolm on to where her caravan is.

A blonde toddler girl is playing barefoot in the grass with a monkey, while a young man in his early twenties sits smoking on the caravan stairs. When he sees Carlotta, he hurriedly extinguishes the cigarette.

"Rinmatta!" Molly greets her mother, leaving the monkey and running over. Carlotta scoops her up in a hug.

"Dr Crowe, this is my daughter Molly, and my husband Will."

Will gets off the step to shake Malcolm's hand.

"Hi, Molly," Malcolm grins, then turns to Will and takes his hand.

"I'm Malcolm Crowe. Pleased to meet you."

The warmth in the air and the smell of food remind Malcolm of summer festivals, though this has more of a rural fair to it than he ever encountered back home in Philadelphia.

Molly giggles and twirls her golden curls around her finger.

Will gives Malcolm a firm military handshake, which doesn't quite hide his nervousness, or the slight tremor in his right hand as he withdraws it and puts it in his pocket.

"Will Francis. Nice to meet you too, Carlotta mentioned you."

"I'm going to put Molly to bed." Carlotta says. "Out of earshot, to give you guys some space."

Will nods. "Okay. Night Moll."

"Nini Will." Molly says, reaching towards him. He eventually notices and kisses her on the forehead.

"Knock on the door when you're done." Carlotta says to both of them, taking the little girl inside.

"All right." Will nods, slipping his hand into his pocket for the packet of cigarettes.

"Will..." Carlotta says, frowning. He puts them away again and sits down on a log as she goes inside, gesturing for Malcolm to join him.

"Not supposed to smoke in the middle of the camp." he says.

Edited 2013-04-16 21:26 (UTC)

Malcolm takes a spot on the log, trying to remember the last time he did that. Must have been a summer camp outside Philadelphia a long time ago.

"Danger of a fire if you do?" he asks casually.

Edited 2013-07-26 23:23 (UTC)

"Yeah, tents and dry grass." Will says. "Carlotta says if I do it it's hard to enforce among the others."

Malcolm nods and looks around. "How many of you are there?"

The smell of the sausages is amazing. And despite the strength of those bonfires, now Malcolm can see how carefully they've been set apart from the dry grass all around. He has a feeling if a stray spark got out, it wouldn't last long.

"Only fourteen at the moment, including me, and I'm only here two days a week." Will says. "We lost a lot of cast after last season."

He shifts uncomfortably, knowing that his own behaviour may have contributed to some of the departures.

Not wanting to rush Will (and maybe make him defensive), Malcolm sees if maybe the future might be a happier topic than the recent past.

"Fourteen doesn't sound bad, though. Do you still have time for new people to join in?"

Will shrugs.

"They probably won't. Carlotta is the only female Ringmaster in the circuit that we know of. Last season... well basically I came home drunk every night and caused a lot of trouble. We aren't supposed to be drunk on site either, because of the risk around animals and if we were to go on the equipment. Word gets around."

"Any trouble that couldn't be fixed?"

Will nods.

"I... I have an illegitimate son." he says. "From a drunken encounter during the war. His mother pretty much abandoned him and it was Carlotta who ended up taking him in. A bit later, she turned up and accused Carlotta of kidnap and all sorts of awful stuff, and we tried to keep custody. But because of my alcohol problems we lost custody."

"Sorry, Will. That must have been painful."

He lets a silence fall for a moment, but then:

"Sounds like your part in the war was pretty hard going. Not that it's ever easy, I guess."

Will fidgets. Okay, clearly Carlotta has sent this guy to help him talk about the war. But it's so hard to know where to begin.

"Carlotta saved lives during the war. About a thousand all things considered. She got a promotion and a medal after her discharge due to injury.

I killed people. I crashed my plane in her undercover area, blew her cover, and she got shot. And after I rescued her, and she went home, and we found out she was pregnant with Molly, I was flying over Germany murdering civilians."

"And let me guess: your commanders said it was all justified. Honor and duty, that sort of thing?"

Will nods.

"The soldiers used to call me 'Wet Willie'." he says, quietly. "Because..." He hesitates, then pulls out his right hand from his pocket, where he tends to put it when not using it, and shows Malcolm the visible tremor.

"It only goes away when I drink. When I got back here, I couldn't do my act any more, and I couldn't bear the people staring at me like they had when I walked through the streets of Germany, when they shouted at me and showed me... what we had done."

"You know, I've never been a soldier myself. So I'd never say I understand what you went through."

"But I have talked to a lot of soldiers in my time. And I don't think I've ever met one who didn't tell me at some point, 'It's the soldiers who aren't worried that are the ones to stay the hell away from.'"

"I'm not worried, I'm going to Hell because I'm a murderer, a war criminal." Will says. "I killed women and children, I sent bombs down over entire villages. They called it 'carpet bombing'. They stood there as we marched through showing pictures of the children I had helped kill. Of survivors missing limbs.

I can't tell Carlotta because she'll never be able to look at me again."

"You might be selling her short on that, Will. But even if you'd rather not talk to her about this--I can respect that--you're going to have to talk to someone."

"It's not like the bottle can really help. You've already learned that."

"Well so far you're the only person I told... I don't know why, I guess it's because you're not from my world so you can't lock me up."

He looks down and fidgets.

"Yeah. And when I get drunk, I do all sorts of stupid things. I've had... a number of one-night stands. I'm not even sure exactly how many. Carlotta knows and... she's been awfully decent, really, it's really not acceptable to behave like that in our time, but she says if I do it again she may be forced to leave with Molly. I spent all last year's circus takings on alcohol and we nearly didn't make it through winter. I've shoplifted alcohol... didn't get caught, which is just as well, because I'm on a suspended sentence for assaulting a court official when we lost custody of Little William. They'd wrestled Carlotta to the floor for shouting at Little William's mum and I panicked and lashed out to defend her." He rubs his face. "I've been a terrible husband, I don't know why she stays."

Malcolm smiles slightly, "I think it might have something to do with her loving you."

"But, no, you don't have to worry about me trying to get you locked up. Actually, you're not the first person I've met with things like that in his past. Trying to help people work through that and learn how to live with memories like that is what I do. But I can't offer you any miracle, one-night cures."

Will nods.

"I've felt better since I stopped drinking, but it's very hard not to start again. I managed to tell Carlotta that I can't cope with being stared at, and that's why I work at the stables and just come up here a few days a week. I couldn't ruin her dreams, after everything I promised about us touring six months a year. She's worked so hard to be a female ringmaster, it's so difficult and I'm proud of her, even if it's hard taking orders from my wife."

He kicks at a stone slightly. "I always wanted us to be a family, with lots of kids. I found out after we married that she wanted to wait much longer for children, wasn't sure if she wanted any at all. We married when war broke out so it was a rush. Molly came along after we bumped into each other in active service, otherwise I don't know if she'd ever have given me a child. I'm not even sure Molly is mine."

"Families aren't always just blood relations. Families can be people we choose to treat like blood relations too. And there's nothing to say you two couldn't have a larger family some day--however you get there--but it sounds like you're going to have to fight for it first."

"The stables are a good start. Having work you care about is a good step toward recovery. But there are other steps too."

Malcolm nods. "And we can work on that drinking too. If you think you're ready for help with that."

"If I can admit I fathered a child, she should be able to tell me if Molly isn't mine." Will says. "She doesn't even call me Daddy, she calls me Will, but Carlotta insists that's a circus thing. I missed nearly the whole first year of her life and it's been hard to bond, though we're getting better, because she runs up to me now."

"I'm good with horses, and my father has a bad heart, so it's good that I'm building up the business again. We lost a lot of money in the war."

He nods. "I want to stop. I've joined the AA but... I've lapsed a few times. Please don't tell Carlotta. I know I've cheated but I love her so much."