milliways_bar | (no subject)

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A pirate walks into a bar.

Sounds like a funny joke, right? It's even funnier if you were paying attention and noticed that right before this pirate walked into the bar, it was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and brown jumpsuit.

Wash doesn't realise anything's amiss until he absently scratches his forehead. He stops. Then both hands are frantically groping at the bandanna tied around his head, and he looks down at himself and gapes at the outfit: boots, sword, vest, frilly shirt and all -- not to mention that his hair's suddenly grown at least a foot and a half. When he gives it a cautious tug, it's affirmed that no, this is not a wig.

"Oh, come on, how is this fair?" he complains to no one in particular. "I can't pull pranks on the ship anymore, but you can pull 'em on me?"

The Bar helpfully adds some earrings and a necklace.

"Gorrammit all to...."

And grumbling in both English and Mandarin, he shuffles toward his booth, costume clinking merrily with each step.

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Wash rolls his eyes, shrugs, and shakes his head in reply. The earrings jingle cheerfully.

*Snow gestures down at the dress*

Bar can have an odd sense of humor at times. I've already gone through the pirate treatment.

"And I'm all about inanimate objects having a sense of humour. Everybody should have a sense of humour. Helps keep things happy. But this is just unnecessarily cruel." A resigned tug at the bandanna. "Every April first, I get the lecture. 'No jokes today, Wash. I don't wanna wake up and find my entire bunk's been moved to the cargo hold again.' And then what happens?" A sigh, and, deadpanning, "Whatever happened to justice and mercy, I tell ya."

And then, he tilts his head. "...when were you a pirate?"

Maybe it's just retaliation for your prior pranks . . . fuck, do you think I want people to have another reminder of the story?

Ah. That was before your time, Talk Like a Pirate Day I think it was called . . . most of the bar wound up in pirate outfits drinking rum.

"I got retaliated already! There was plenty of retaliation to be had! And I've been good. Well, mostly. I did leave a cunningly placed spot of engine oil in the front hallway, but come on, that hardly counts as anything.

"And, uh, refresh my memory here. Story?"

In that case, simply consider it as something that Bar thought would be funny and don't take it personally.

Well, the day started off when the twins and I read pirate stories with Tom and Ingress, and the kids felt like dressing up as pirates. . . then when we got to the bar, our speech was influcenced to some degree -- be thankful you can still speak properly. Not much else happened to me, aside from having to talk Ingress out of being a professional pirate.

"Oh, I'll have my revenge. It may happen weeks and months from now and Bernard may kill me in return, but it'll happen."

Wash listens, and blinks when she's done. "And...where does the white dress fit into that?"

Getting revenge on Bar is a futile effort, I suspect.

No, I said I'd already gone through the pirate treatment, that was back then . . .this I suspect is something from another of those idiotic Mundy retellings of my story . . . at least it's not from that horrible Disney version.

"....Ah." A more or less uncomprehending nod. It's a cheerfully uncomprehending nod, though.

*Snow is rather happy about the uncomprehendingness. It's always nice to know someone who won't make dwarf jokes*

You get used to her sense of humor after a while, I assure you. I guess it's balance for being exceedingly helpful the rest of the time.

"Hey, no complaints. Maybe if I still can't get this off tomorrow, but other than that...pranks and ceaseless mocking make the 'verse go round." He grins.

*Snow shakes her head*

It's rare for her pranks to last more than a day or so. Just long enough for everyone to have a good laugh, and changing them back before it gets too annoying.

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