milliways_bar | (no subject)

Ralph is greeted at the bar by a napkin. "Late for what?" he asks, and gets another napkin in reply. "Me? But why?" Napkin. "What kind of 'special occasion'?" Napkin, eyeroll. "Fine, fine, don't tell me." He sighs and heads around behind the bar. "Could I get a few drink suggestions? To go with the theme?" The specials board fills itself out:

SONIC: THE FIGHTERS
Miles "Tails" Prower
Sonic the Hedgehog

STREET FIGHTER II
Blankatini
Bloody Bison
Chun-Li ice tea
Flash Kick!
Hadouken!
Shoryuken!
Spinning Piledriver
Yoga Flame

SUPER MARIO BROS. (on PlayChoice-10)
Boo Shot
Bowser
Goomba
Princess Peach
Warp Pipe

TEKKEN
Kuma's Furry Cup
Nina Colada
Paul Phoenix Rising
Yoshimitsu's Poison Breath

"...all righty then." He turns to face the customers and tries to look happy to be there. "What'll it be?"

[In honor of his canon now being in Japanese cinemas, have a tending Ralph! Open to new threads until it scrolls, and to new tags until your brainmeats can't do it anymore.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Uhhh, Ralph? You're from a game about a guy fixing broken windows with a hammer."

"Hey, that makes perfect sense! After all, it's a magic hammer!"

Then it hits him how that would sound to anyone trying to apply real-world logic. "Okay, I guess I had that coming. Obviously 'insane' is the wrong word. Or at least not specific enough. My point is, Hero's Duty breaks everyone. Sarge's breaks just aren't as obvious as Markowski's, that's all."

He grins. "Especially not with Felix to fix them."

Vanellope makes another firehose-of-lemon-juice face. "Blugh. Does he have to fix 'em by kissing her?"

(She's still very firmly in the "boys have cooties" stage of development and likely to remain so for the foreseeable future.)

"Well, he could do it just by being so darn nice, but Sarge seems to like the kissing part. It's a grown-up thing; you wouldn't understand." Grin. "Remember, you got through the wedding without vurping on anyone. Or was that just official protocol?"

"Only 'cause my collar was so tight I couldn't breathe."

"I can relate. I'd never worn a tuxedo before, and I hope I never have to wear one again. I'm just glad they gave up trying to find shoes that fit me."

"Is that what happened? I figured you just stomped clean through 'em."

"There were a few accidents along the way, what can I tell ya?"

"Really. How many constitutes 'a few'?"

"...let's see... there was that pair I kind of crushed in the process of figuring out how to get them on... then a couple that I thought would fit until I tried to wiggle my toes in them..." He holds up clenched fists, then opens them, splaying the fingers in all directions; he's either demonstrating what an exploding shoe looks like or making the world's largest jazz-hands. "Couple broken shoehorns, that one pair where the laces snapped... you know. Fun for the whole family."

Vanellope snickers. "Oh, please tell me that you have video of that."