milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Ianto was on his way home when the door opened to Milliways.

(It was meant to be an Indian place. He wanted a kebab.)

He sighs, not really in the mood for socializing, but he has never refused an entry to Milliways when it's come and isn't going to start now.

He gets supper from the bar and sits in a booth near the back of the enormous room where he can eat and spread out his work.

He is not hiding. Perish the thought. He'd just rather not be noticed.

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"Considering how that's been going lately, maybe that's good." Gloomily. "I could go back to being the third wheel for people in open relationships. That was working quite well for a while. No strings, no expectations."

"And pining after Jack in the meantime?" Lorne asks gently.

Ianto hunches into himself a bit. "I'd rather pine than know for certain that he doesn't want me."

If Lorne actually knew Jack, he'd have a lot to say to counter that.

Unfortunately, they've never met, so...

"But if you knew that for certain, which, really, seems like kind of a defeatist attitude to me, but whatever. If you knew that for certain, maybe you'd be able to get over him?"

"I think the only way I'd get over him is to have my memory wiped."

This is not hyperbole.

"He's just that . . . undeniable. Everybody else--even somebody like John, who's just as larger-than-life, yeah?--pales in comparison."

"Then it looks to me like you've got two choices. You can," he counts off on his fingers, "be miserable for certain, never satisfied with any relationship because whoever you're with isn't Jack. Or, you can take a shot and see what you might be able to have with Jack. In which case, you at least have a chance to not be miserable."

"Yeah. I know." He rubs his eyes with one hand. "I know, I know. John kept saying I'm not man enough to do more than moon after him . . ." He sighs.

"It's just a scary step to take."

Lorne shrugs. "If it helps, it's never going to be less scary."

"Oh, yes, very helpful," Ianto says dryly. "I feel better already. Ready to take on the world."

Lorne rolls his eyes. "I just meant...waiting to take that step isn't going to make it any easier."

"How would you do it, in my place? Walk up to your boss and say, 'Look, there's this thing between us, I can't ignore it anymore'? I can't think of much more terrifying, and I've faced Daleks."

"Well, no," Lorne says, assuming Daleks to be somewhere on par with Wraith Queens. "But if I did that to my boss, I'd pretty much be guaranteed not to have a job in the morning for many, many reasons.

"But if I were you...I guess I'd probably do just about that, yeah. Or at least say, 'Look, I like you, okay? And I want to see if anything comes of this.'" He shrugs. "Or something like that."

Ianto's chuckle is dry as a soda cracker. "Last time I did that he said, choose, now.

"Not sure it's the right path to take."

"Yeah, but if Jack said that, you'd have no problem," Lorne points out.

"That's true," Ianto admits. "Different person, different results."

He sighs. "Still scares me."

Lorne nods. "Can't help you there." Which is probably harder for him than it would be for most people.

"'sall right. I don't expect anyone else to fix me."

"It's not exactly something that needs to be fixed," Lorne says. "Everyone's scared in these situations."

"Even you? I'd find that hard to believe, you're so . . . contented."

Lorne laughs a little. It always amuses him that Ianto seems to think he's got it all figured out.

"Even me. Of course, it's different with Jack...my Jack."

"Because your Jack doesn't shag anyone so long as they're gorgeous enough, I'll bet."

Lorne offers him a concerned eyebrow. "Well, yeah, I suppose that would be different. Mostly I was just thinking that we were sleeping together before I knew how I felt about him."

"Oh." Faaaaint blush. "Well, yes. That is a different situation."

Lorne smiles a little. Ianto's blush is awfully cute. "I'd say, though, that if your Jack will shag anyone so long as they're gorgeous enough, you've got a pretty good chance of him at least wanting to give it a shot with you."

"Oh, don't say stuff like that," Ianto says, covering his face with his hands. "It's so embarrassing."