milliways_bar | (no subject)

Ralph is greeted at the bar by a napkin. "Late for what?" he asks, and gets another napkin in reply. "Me? But why?" Napkin. "What kind of 'special occasion'?" Napkin, eyeroll. "Fine, fine, don't tell me." He sighs and heads around behind the bar. "Could I get a few drink suggestions? To go with the theme?" The specials board fills itself out:

SONIC: THE FIGHTERS
Miles "Tails" Prower
Sonic the Hedgehog

STREET FIGHTER II
Blankatini
Bloody Bison
Chun-Li ice tea
Flash Kick!
Hadouken!
Shoryuken!
Spinning Piledriver
Yoga Flame

SUPER MARIO BROS. (on PlayChoice-10)
Boo Shot
Bowser
Goomba
Princess Peach
Warp Pipe

TEKKEN
Kuma's Furry Cup
Nina Colada
Paul Phoenix Rising
Yoshimitsu's Poison Breath

"...all righty then." He turns to face the customers and tries to look happy to be there. "What'll it be?"

[In honor of his canon now being in Japanese cinemas, have a tending Ralph! Open to new threads until it scrolls, and to new tags until your brainmeats can't do it anymore.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh?" Vanellope dangles upside-down by her knees, which puts her almost at Ralph's eye level. "Like 'Chinese curse' interesting or...?"

"...like 'hey, I can make stuff as well as breaking it' interesting. Small stuff, even."

"'Course ya can, you made the Wreckmobile, didn'cha?"

"Yeah, you make a point, but that was still bigger than, let's say, a chocolate milkshake. Speaking of which, can I get you anything?"

"Depends. You serving anything that's appropriate for a minor? Or am I going to get us both in trouble just by being here?"

"The things on the board are the specials, but anything's available, sure. In fact, my customers so far have both gone non-alcoholic, one because she needed to be sober when she went home and your friend the superhero because it would've fried his electronics. So soda, milkshakes, floats... pick your tooth-rot."

Vanellope drops down onto the countertop and slides onto a nearby barstool, all while giving the matter some Very Serious Consideration.

"Actually, I kinda wanna try some coffee."

"...you're sure? I mean, obviously stunting your growth would be redundant, but an over-caffeinated President could glitch herself right out the window." He gestures with one entire hand in the direction of God's Kill Screen.

"Raaaaaaalph, I have sweet stuff in my game all the time," she whines. "I wanna try something different!"

"I guess that's a good reason. Just... take it slow, okay?" He starts pouring. "You think you'll want any cream in it? I assume you're going to blow off the sugar packet options."

"Awww heck no. Give it to me straight."

"Coming right up!" He hands her the mug of coffee and steps back just far enough to be hopefully out of the splash zone.

Vanellope blows across the surface of the coffee and takes a cautious sip.

And makes a face like someone just turned a fire hose full of lemon juice on her.

"...I warned you. Okay, so it wasn't about that, but I did warn you." Pause. "Cream's still available if you want it."

"No way." Vanellope pushes the mug away. "How can people drink that stuff?"

"With plenty of cream and sugar. Or with a desperate need to stay awake. That's probably why so many military types start drinking it. I know Guile takes his coffee black, and so do a lot of Sarge's troops. I think she does too."

Edited (wrong W) 2013-03-27 00:42 (UTC)

"Well, we already know Sarge is nuts," says Vanellope with a smirk.

"No argument here. Though I have to say, going crazy is the only sane response to being from an insane game."

"Uhhh, Ralph? You're from a game about a guy fixing broken windows with a hammer."

"Hey, that makes perfect sense! After all, it's a magic hammer!"

Then it hits him how that would sound to anyone trying to apply real-world logic. "Okay, I guess I had that coming. Obviously 'insane' is the wrong word. Or at least not specific enough. My point is, Hero's Duty breaks everyone. Sarge's breaks just aren't as obvious as Markowski's, that's all."

He grins. "Especially not with Felix to fix them."

Vanellope makes another firehose-of-lemon-juice face. "Blugh. Does he have to fix 'em by kissing her?"

(She's still very firmly in the "boys have cooties" stage of development and likely to remain so for the foreseeable future.)

"Well, he could do it just by being so darn nice, but Sarge seems to like the kissing part. It's a grown-up thing; you wouldn't understand." Grin. "Remember, you got through the wedding without vurping on anyone. Or was that just official protocol?"

"Only 'cause my collar was so tight I couldn't breathe."

"I can relate. I'd never worn a tuxedo before, and I hope I never have to wear one again. I'm just glad they gave up trying to find shoes that fit me."

"Is that what happened? I figured you just stomped clean through 'em."

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