milliways_bar | (no subject)

Lorne thinks about this for a moment. "He said it was okay? Was that...before things started to get serious?"

"Yeah. Long before. And to be honest, when I told him I wanted to give us a go I didn't even think about Jack that much--not that way, anyway." He smiles wryly. "While John seems convinced he occupies my every waking thought."

"Well," Lorne says cautiously after a moment's pause. "He seems to occupy enough that when John asked you to choose, you didn't pick John."

It's not an accusation. More an attempt to get Ianto to ask himself if he really wanted to be with John or if things are maybe better this way.

More sipping.

It's a long sip.

"No, I didn't." Quietly. "I don't love him, Major."

"Do you love Jack?"

He's out of coffee to use as a distraction, and fidgets with the cup some more.

"I don't know. I don't hate him."

"Well that's...useful," Lorne says. "I think if you did hate him, you'd have some serious problems to work out."

"It's complicated," Ianto says, rolling his eyes a little.

Sometimes he's very young.

"We've had some shit to work through."

"And there's the whole boss/non-monogamous thing still, I'm guessing," Lorne says, recalling their earlier conversation about just this conundrum.

"Exactly. I'm back where I started."

Lorne, it should be noted, is not a relationship expert. He's happy now, but he's had some pretty spectacularly badly handled break-ups in his life, and he's got his share of issues.

On the other hand, he does like to do what he can to help his friends.

"So let me ask you this," he says. "Do you think you'll ever meet someone you'll pick over Jack?"

Ianto looks at him miserably and shakes his head.

Lorne gives him a sympathetic smile. "Then you, my friend, need to work something out with him. 'Cause if you don't, you're just going to be miserable and alone for a very, very long time."

And that's not okay.

"I know," Ianto says, still miserable. "But it just seems like--with Jack--it'd be asking for heartbreak. He's not a one-man guy. I don't know if I could bear it, knowing I'm not the only one."

"But how are you doing with not being one at all?" Lorne asks. "I mean, it seems like, right now, if nothing changes, you're never going to be the only one for anyone."

He only realizes how harsh that sounds after he's said it.

"Considering how that's been going lately, maybe that's good." Gloomily. "I could go back to being the third wheel for people in open relationships. That was working quite well for a while. No strings, no expectations."

"And pining after Jack in the meantime?" Lorne asks gently.

Ianto hunches into himself a bit. "I'd rather pine than know for certain that he doesn't want me."

If Lorne actually knew Jack, he'd have a lot to say to counter that.

Unfortunately, they've never met, so...

"But if you knew that for certain, which, really, seems like kind of a defeatist attitude to me, but whatever. If you knew that for certain, maybe you'd be able to get over him?"

"I think the only way I'd get over him is to have my memory wiped."

This is not hyperbole.

"He's just that . . . undeniable. Everybody else--even somebody like John, who's just as larger-than-life, yeah?--pales in comparison."

"Then it looks to me like you've got two choices. You can," he counts off on his fingers, "be miserable for certain, never satisfied with any relationship because whoever you're with isn't Jack. Or, you can take a shot and see what you might be able to have with Jack. In which case, you at least have a chance to not be miserable."

"Yeah. I know." He rubs his eyes with one hand. "I know, I know. John kept saying I'm not man enough to do more than moon after him . . ." He sighs.

"It's just a scary step to take."

Lorne shrugs. "If it helps, it's never going to be less scary."

"Oh, yes, very helpful," Ianto says dryly. "I feel better already. Ready to take on the world."

Lorne rolls his eyes. "I just meant...waiting to take that step isn't going to make it any easier."